


Snipets

by Ninyaaaaaaah



Series: If All Is Fair In Love & War, I Can't Do This Anymore [12]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alcohol Abuse, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Cock Warming, Dom/sub, Hand Jobs, High Fantasy AU, Laflams, Lams - Freeform, Laurette - Freeform, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Masturbation, PTSD, Post-War, Semi-Public Sex, Smut, Spitroasting, Subspace, Teasing, Threesome - M/M/M, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Violence Mentions, War, blood mentions, hamlaf, i should have updated these tags earlier whooooops, jeffmads - Freeform, kind of, not really but, tw broken bones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2018-12-17 18:42:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 34
Words: 29,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11857422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ninyaaaaaaah/pseuds/Ninyaaaaaaah
Summary: A collection of one shots set in the "If All Is Fair In Love & War, I Can't Do This Anymore" series.





	1. I'm Fire, You're The Flood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was a request for a very sad Lafayette. So. Uh. Yeah...
> 
> Title is from "Don't Put It On Me" by Transviolet
> 
> This takes place several days after the end of "Renegade Heart" - it contains MAJOR SPOILERS for "Renegade Heart" so probably read that first ;)

Home. 

Lafayette had never held the word with such bitterness on his tongue before. 

He paced around the upper floor of his grand, palace row estate. Its wide hallways. It’s sweeping staircases with ornate railings. It’s open windows, large balcony, his huge, comfortable bed, all of it done up in the finest of finery…

It felt so wrong. 

He felt gritty, felt dirty. He felt like he was soiling the place just by breathing the air inside it. His skin felt raw and over sensitive, and not just because he’d had six baths in the day and a half he’d been home. 

Still felt like he needed a thousand more. Felt like he would never be clean. Felt like he would never be able to wash the smell of blood and dirt and dying men from his skin. It was seared into his nostrils now, seared into the back of his throat, thick on his tongue, stuck under his finger nails where he couldn’t see it but he could _feel_ it and he honestly thought it was all going to drive him mad. 

His skin felt too tight. He felt like if he moved the wrong way it would rip, tear, and the millions of prickling sparks just underneath would get out, and he wouldn’t ever find himself again after that. 

He felt just this side of a loss of control and it tasted like metal and dust in his mouth and it felt like pressure behind his eyes and it smelled like the acid sour smell of fear and if he looked too hard at it, it looked like the widening dark eyes of the man he loved, mouth open in a perfect ‘O’ of disbelief, and it sounded like the dull thunk of an arrow finding a home in a chest cavity. 

Lafayette swore under his breath. 

He spun on his heel and stalked back down the hall way, glad he lived alone save the servants (who were wisely keeping out of the way), glad no one was here to witness this unravelling, this loose ends, this _not knowing_ how to sit with these things and absorb them and allow them to be, while also allowing himself to heal. 

He wasn’t there yet. 

From here, he didn’t know how he’d ever get there. 

He stepped out onto the balcony and the gentle breeze caressed his face and it brought with it the slight after taste of salt and ocean and it brought with it the faint sound of ships, of motion, and Lafayette breathed a little bit freer, felt a little easier. 

He paced back and forth, bare feet on cool marble, tried to ground himself just by feeling, just by noticing. Under his feet: cool, smooth. Over the railing: lush gardens with winding paths and tall trees, just green and green and green.

But green reminded him of long nights in cold grass, the moon high overhead, stars twinkling like nothing was wrong, like the world wasn’t broken and bleeding and fighting itself. Green reminded him of a soldier from Va’an with dark eyes and darker hair and a sharp edge no matter which way you turned him. It reminded him of his soft mouth, of heat, of two bodies coming together and love that didn’t care about sides, didn’t care about any of that, just cared that here was someone that made his heart beat in double time and that was a feeling worth fighting for. 

Lafayette choked on a bitter laugh. 

What had Alexander asked him, that whole time? Why, why, why? What are you fighting for, Lafayette? What’s worth fighting for?

Didn’t it just figure that by the time he realized he’d gotten it wrong, he was too late?

By the time he realized he’d gotten it wrong, the arrow was already in the air, singing from a bow string, hurtling towards the only thing on that godsforsaken battleground that mattered, and sinking home. 

And breaking Lafayette’s heart.

The sound he’d made then… it was unearthly. 

The sound he made now, as he sank to his knees on the marble, paled in comparison but felt so loud and stark and out of place in the pristine beauty of home. 

He folded in on himself, in on the pain, arms wrapped tight around his middle as he leaned forwards, sobs so body-wracking they were silent tearing him apart from the inside. Cold marble. Hot tears. Fingernails digging into his sides. The only thing that mattered, and he robbed himself of it. He’d hesitated, he’d doubted for a single second and that single second had cost him so dearly.

Now he’d never get to know. He’d never get to fight with Alexander again, never hear those sharp words from a sharp tongue. He’d never kiss him again, never touch him or hold him under the stars or even, maybe, in daylight and honesty. He’d never get to tell Alexander that he was right, that Lafayette knew now, what he meant, what he was talking about. That he’d found something worth fighting for and he’d just needed time, gods damn it all, he’d just needed time and he would have figured out a course of action he could have sat with and swallowed comfortably. 

Instead he was left with nothing he could sit with at all, nothing he could even begin to get his throat around. 

His friends, still out there in danger fighting on a side of a war Laf knew he’d always known was wrong, had purposely not looked very hard at what he was doing and why until Alexander had forced him. 

And Alexander, dead, gone. No one to blame but himself. 

He didn’t know how long he stayed out there on his knees on the balcony, hunched over and keening with pain so great he couldn’t brace against it, couldn’t stand despite it, couldn’t do anything but stay there, slumped beneath it, tears dripping silently from his nose and chin onto the balcony, mouth gaping open, frozen in horror as the worst moment of his life played out in his head, over and over and over and over. 

He would have given anything to go back, to change it, to realize sooner, to do something, anything, to stop it all in its tracks. 

He sobbed and sobbed, mind on loop, eventually just _Alexander, Alexander, Alexander,_ over and over and over again, an endless chanting of his broken heart, pain and longing and hurts he could never take back. 

His tears slowed eventually because there simply were no more. 

When he stood, his knees screamed in protest and he had to grab onto the railing. His face was tight and dry and itchy with salt and he felt nothing but numb, and beneath the numbness… shattered. 

He stumbled back inside, frozen, stiff, aching. All hollow and haunted-eyed. 

Rang the bell for Clara as he lurched to his room. One foot after the next after the next. 

He felt so lost. 

He stood at the window while Clara drew him a bath, turned down his sheets and slipped a warm rice pack beneath the covers to warm the bed, and left him in silence with no words, only a brows-drawn-tight look of sadness and helplessness he knew she hadn’t meant for him to see. Doors clicked quietly shut behind her, and he was alone again. 

He slipped into the huge, ornate tub, lavender scented bubbles perfuming the air. It went a long way to soothing the raw, burnt out feeling in his nose. 

He breathed deep. He choked on the shrapnel in his heart and couldn’t stop the keening sound that wrenched from his throat. 

Sank low in the tub and picked up the mug Clara had left. Her perfect blend of tea and spices and whiskey that warmed his bones and helped keep him numb. 

A mind healer was coming tomorrow. 

Until then, Lafayette drifted alone on an endless ocean of grief and sorrow. Scrubbed himself again because he still didn’t feel clean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****I am not a combat veteran. I have never been to war. I tried my best to depict how Laf might feel upon coming home, and I mean absolutely no offense to anyone if I didn't get it right. I tried to do it justice, but I also don't pretend to come close to knowing what that might be like****


	2. A Sad Sorry State, As I'm Waiting Around For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's alternate title (aka what it's called in my docs folder) is "Sad John Jerking Off"
> 
> Title is from "Champagne From A Paper Cup" by Death Cab For Cutie.
> 
> I couldn't fit this scene into "Feelings Like This, They Need A Home" but that's where it falls in the chronology of things. Here it is on its own because I'm a sadist and wanted to write it. lol.

Lafayette was pressed to John’s front, hands touching him, stroking him, palming his cock, teasing his nipples, running up and down and all over him. Alex was pressed to his back, mouth on his neck, cock nestled in between John’s cheeks, hands everywhere, squeezing his ass, stroking him, touching him, teasing him. Their hands were everywhere, and he was trapped between. Couldn’t see their faces, couldn’t see much at all, couldn’t tell up from down, but they were both there, pressing him into heat and mist and steam, voices blurring, hands blurring, surrounding him, inside him, overwhelming him until his senses narrowed to Laf and Alex, Alex and Laf. Their hands were everywhere. Mouths too, until they were so blurred he couldn’t tell where one ended and the other began, but they were right there, both of them at once, all heat and fog and touch-

John woke up covered in sweat, rutting into the tangled sheets beneath him, cock hard and aching. The sheets were damp with sweat and precome, and John groaned, desire and frustration wound tight in his chest. 

It wasn’t fair, he needed Laf and Alex both so much. Couldn’t have it that way, of course, and Alex was gone and Laf was right here, and Laf was so charming, so intoxicating…

“Fuck.” John cursed, hips driving against the sheets, too much, not enough. 

He rolled over onto his back, legs splayed, moonlight pouring through the window and lighting the room in a soft glow. 

His cock lay hot and heavy on his stomach, slick with precome. Aching. Uncomfortable. 

John squirmed, huffed through his nose, squeezed his eyes shut. Willed his body to cooperate and calm down because he couldn’t, he just couldn’t. 

Swearing softly, John wrapped his hand around his cock. Stroked himself, slow and firm, could have cried with relief at finally getting some real friction. Felt wrong thinking about Lafayette, when he’d tried so hard not to want him, tried so hard to keep this from happening…

Let his thoughts drift in the only other direction they wanted to go, even as he knew, just knew, it wasn’t a good idea.

Alex. 

Alex below him in a lantern lit tent, bandage tight around his chest, fingers buried deep in John’s ass, the words spilling from his mouth heating John’s blood.

John let out a shaky breath, chest tight with loss, with need. Never felt the gaping hole Alex had left in his life more than moments like this, alone and aching in the moonlight. 

He canted his hips up, tightened his fist. Stroked a little faster, needed the relief even though he knew how bad the fallout would be after, needed something, felt like he was going to fly apart into a million pieces if something didn’t give.

Thought about Alex, licking into him, stroking him, fucking him with his tongue until John was an undone mess in the sheets, desperate for Alex’s cock. 

Thought about Alex, loving him so completely…

Couldn’t hold back the strangled sob, and turned back over onto his stomach, let go of his cock and dug his hands into his hair as the flood of grief swept over him again, unchecked. He sobbed into the pillow, frustrated and lonely and horny and so desperately heartbroken. 

He was stuck on a half-step. Waiting, not knowing if what he was waiting for would ever come to pass, and terrified he’d lose the only second chance he’d been given. Fear and desire and grief warred in his chest and he sobbed until his throat hurt, eyes burned, pillow soaked beneath him. 

Finally, he curled over onto his side, cock gone soft, and stared at the patch of moonlight on the floor.

Just felt empty. 

Defeated.

What point was there in hope when it just left him feeling like this? Wrung out and damp all over and desperately, achingly empty.

So he got up. 

Dumped a pitcher of water over his head and stripped the sheets from the bed. Tossed them into the puddle of water on the floor to deal with later.

Dressed, yanking his breeches over his hips, pulling a shirt on so roughly he heard a few stitches pop. Shoved his feet in his boots and slammed the door behind him on the way out. 

He needed to feel numb. Dull the pain down so far that nothing felt real anymore, just a warm whiskey fog that burned him away until he was just a heartbeat in freckled skin. No more. No hurt, no empty aching hole in his chest, no Lafayette, no Alex. Just the beat of a heart pumping blood through numb veins.

He’d replace the pain then, with something real and raw. Something that made sense. Something easy, something sharp, something true. The crack of a fist in his face, the snap of bones breaking, the rush of hot blood over his chin, metal on his tongue, take that heart beat and wear it on the outside where it only hurt because John chose it to. 

In the morning, he could look at his face in the mirror and shake his head, tell himself he had to stop this. In the morning, he could give himself a pep talk, pull himself together, face another day of missing Alex and wishing for Lafayette. In the morning, he could clean up the water on the floor, put the sheets out for the wash boys, make his bed, tidy up. 

Lather, rinse, repeat.


	3. "Cabbage"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex makes a new friend.
> 
> This chapter & forwards are all set at undefined times AFTER the completion of the main series :)

“You’re joking, right?” Alex folded his arms across his chest and started across the courtyard at Lafayette, and the sour looking horse beside him.

“No, Alex! You can learn how to ride on her, and then when you’re comfortable we’ll get you something a little sportier!” John had his hands on Alex’s shoulders, and was practically bouncing up and down with glee.

Alex eyed the horse dubiously. She wasn’t as tall as John and Lafayette’s tall hunters, but she was sturdy, light gray in colour with dapples all over her shining coat. Long mane fell into her eyes, and he supposed she would have been quite charming looking if she didn’t have her ears flattened against her skull and her nostrils pinched tight.

“I don’t want anything sportier! I don’t want to learn to ride, John!” Alex protested as John propelled him across the courtyard unwillingly.

The horse jerked her head up, and Lafayette tugged at her reins, spoke to her sternly.

“See! It hates me already!” Alex eyed the horse with the same sour, wary expression that she was fixing him with.

“Her, Alexander. She is a lovely lady and she will help you learn, and then we can all go riding together and it will be wonderful.” Lafayette smoothed a hand down the horse’s face, and she snapped at him with her huge, ugly horse teeth in retaliation. Lafayette swatted her cheek sharply.

“You and I have very different definitions of ‘lovely lady’, Lafayette,” Alex retorted drily.

“Give her a chance, Alex. What if you like it?” John still kept his hands on Alex’s shoulders as if he was afraid Alex would bolt back to his books the second he let go.

To be fair, that was exactly what Alex wanted to do.

“Her name is Cabbage, Starlight. Please try? It would please me greatly,” Lafayette pleaded, gave Alex that _look_ , the one Alex could never refused, and Alex sighed.

“That’s the stupidest name I’ve ever heard. Can’t we call it something else?”

“Her. And no. Changing a horse’s name is bad luck.” John pecked a kiss to Alex’s cheek.

“Of all the- ugh. Who named her that anyways.” Alex huffed, indignant that not only was he going to be strong armed into riding the crotchety beast, but that her name was Cabbage, of all things.

“Her old owners. Apparently when she was a foal she escaped and they could not find her anywhere until the maid went into the gardens and found her sleeping in the cabbage patch.” Lafayette flipped the reins deftly over Cabbage’s neck, and held out his hand to Alex.

Alex sighed.

“Fine.” He stepped forwards, narrowly missed Cabbage’s snapping teeth, and yelped indignantly when Lafayette grabbed him around the waist and hoisted him up onto the horse’s back. He clung onto the saddle for dear life, felt awkward and uncomfortable and awfully high up and hell this animal hadn’t wanted him anywhere near her, let alone on her back.

“She’s gonna kill me!”

“She’s not.” John appeared at Alex’s side, put a hand on his thigh. “Sit up straight, hold the breastcollar instead of the saddle, that’s it. Laf, walk on.” John coached, voice soft and steady.

Alex moved his grip to the leather strap over the horse’s neck, tried to sit up straight. Swore under his breath when the horse started to walk.

“You guys owe me for this!”

“Whatever you want, Sugar.” John patted Alex’s thigh, walking along beside him.


	4. Canoeing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laf and John take Alex canoeing for the first time

Perfection. That’s what his life had become.

John tipped his head back, pausing for a moment in the warm sun, basking in it, eyes closed, just soaking it all in. He had Laf, and Alex, in the most perfect possible way that he could have never dreamed up. Not only did he get to love them both, full time, all the time, so deeply and so completely, but he got to watch them love each other with the same depth and completion. A perfect circle of three.

They were waiting for him now, down at the docks, Alex tucked against Lafayette’s side, Lafayette’s hand in the back pocket of Alex’s breeches.

John just watched them, for a moment. Let the picture soak into his memory to hold close on days that weren’t so easy – they all had their scars, and so life wasn’t pretty one hundred percent of the time. But they had love, and slowly they were learning how to navigate their relationship.

Sighing with absolute contentedness, John trotted down the hill to the lakeshore, slapped Lafayette on the ass as he passed, and splashed into the water up to his shins. He turned and grinned at them, all open mouthed smile, all freckled summer glow, all joy.

“Ready?”

John came back out of the water and trotted down the dock to the small boat they’d rented, long and pointed at the ends, tippy and precarious to balance. He loved the water, loved to swim and boat and play in the rain or snow. Alex could be coaxed into joining him sometimes, but Lafayette hated getting wet and took more convincing.

John held the canoe steady for Alex and Lafayette to climb in, Alex in the middle, Laf at the front. Then he got in himself, untied the boat, and carefully pushed off.

“Sit still, Alex, it’s tippy,” John cautioned, well aware that this was another first for Alex, one in a long list of firsts, and John took immense pleasure in watching Alex light up with wonder and curiosity when they stumbled upon yet another thing he’d never experienced before.

“Okay,” Alex craned his neck, tried to peer over the side of the boat without moving as they glided through the water, Laf and John paddling.

“If you tip us I will kill you, prickle bush,” Laf commented mildly from the front of the boat, without turning his head.

John laughed, and shook his head, watched Lafayette’s strong shoulders as he paddled, smooth strokes cutting through the water. Watched Alex take it all in, the simple act of just doing something for the enjoyment of it new, the calm lake with its cool waters, the colourful blue and orange birds fishing in the reeds…

They made their way around the lake quietly, and John relaxed into the rhythm of paddling and steering, everything perfect, perfect, perfect…

Until they glided into a patch of water lilies in shallower water. Until John noticed the largest bullfrog he’d ever seen in his life, sunning on a lily pad, a split second _after_ Alex noticed it.

Until Alex pointed at the frog with a shout of surprised glee, and forgot not to move, and leaned wildly over the edge of the boat-

And just like that John was under water.

He surfaced, laughing and spluttering, feet touching the bottom. He pushed his soaked hair back out of his eyes and wiped a hand down his face, chest deep in the water. The frog was gone, and Alex surfaced with a gasp, coughing and spluttering in surprise, and Lafayette clung to the upside down boat, somehow still dry from the shoulders up, and looking ready to crawl out of his own skin.

“Alexander.” Lafayette glared at Alex with narrowed eyes, and John couldn’t help but laugh harder.

Alex blinked innocently at Laf, dripping wet and trying his best not to grin.

“Yes Laf?”

“I am going to kill you.”

Instead of replying, Alex took a deep breath, and dropped like a stone, disappearing under the water.

Lafayette blinked in surprise, and craned his neck to try to see where Alex had gone.

John bit his lip, trying to hide his grin, knew from previous trips to the lake that while he and Lafayette were competent swimmers, Alex was in a whole other league.

Lafayette had time only to yelp in surprise before he was dragged backwards off the upside down boat, and submerged.

When he resurfaced, he looked so surprised and disgusted that John doubled over laughing and couldn’t stop.

Alex’s head popped out of the water a safe distance away, and he grinned victoriously.

“Kill. You. I am going to kill you,” Lafayette glared at Alex, and then over at John, who tried to stop laughing, he really did, but the look on Lafayette’s face… “You too, John Laurens, if you do not stop laughing and help me right this boat right now.”

Dead man or not, John couldn’t stop laughing.


	5. I Can't Wait Any Longer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS SMUT.

Lafayette had been teasing him mercilessly all day.

Alex was strung tight with tension, body humming, painfully aware of every move Lafayette made. 

It had started before they left the house, Lafayette pressing alex up against the wall and kissing him so thoroughly, so deeply, that Alex's knees had gone weak and his cock stirred in interest. Just as he was about to break, to try to drag Lafayette back up the stairs to the bedroom, Lafayette had pulled away and walked out the door like nothing happened.

They did the food shopping themselves that day, wandering from market stall to stall. Lafayette's hand brushed Alex's cock by accident. Then he crowded him against a table, pressed against his ass. Brushed his cock again while they were selecting potatoes, teasing touched designed to drive Alex crazy.

They finished their shopping, brought the paper bags home, and Alex could have cried when Lafayette turned around and led him right back out of the house without so much as a glance at the stairs.

Around the corner, he'd crowded Alex into the wall, snuck his hand to Alex's ass and teased at his hole with one finger through the fabric of his breeches, had Alex panting, face pressed to Lafayette's shirt, and then pulled away, kept walking.

Alex was ready to scream.

They wandered through the commons and into the royal gardens, where Lafayette pushed Alex down onto a bench and straddled his lap. Ground his hips against him and kissed him until Alex was moaning into his mouth, cock aching and straining in his breeches from the prolonged torment.

Again, Lafayette got up and kept walking, hands in his pockets.

"Laf!" Alex scrambled to catch up, adjusting himself in his breeches in hopes that his erection wouldn't be too obvious if they came across anyone.

"Yes Starlight?" Lafayette asked, voice light and breezy.

Alex spluttered.

"What- what the fuck?!" He choked out, indignant.

"Is there a problem?" Lafayette asked, stopping his stroll to turn and look at Alex.

"Yes!" Alex hissed, grabbed onto Lafayette's shirt and pressed up against him, rutted against his thigh and couldn't hold back the groan at the friction. "Would you fuck me already?!"

Lafayette's hand settled on Alex's lower back, fingers splayed out. The path was shaded in, high walls of red roses on either side of the plush grass walkway.

"Alexander please. Such language. Humping my leg like a dog. Have you no shame?" Lafayette tugged the back of Alex's shirt up out of his belt and dipped his finger down the back of his breeches, fingertip settling at the cleft of his ass.

"No! I don't, fuck you, just get your cock in my ass already!" Alex snapped, hands scrabbling at Lafayette's shirt.

"Here?" Lafayette asked, raising an eyebrow at Alex.

"I can't wait any longer!" Alex practically wailed.

Lafayette huffed a small laugh, grabbed Alex's wrist.

"Come on then," Lafayette dragged him farther down the path, and ducked through a small opening in the hedge, partially concealed by a sheet of willow leaves from a low hanging branch.

Inside was a small alcove, shaded and boxed in by hedges, the willow bowed low over top. 

"On your knees then, if you want it in the open like a common whore," Lafayette commanded.

Alex almost didn't fight back, almost gave in and just sank down, so easy. But no, he wasn't John with his deep seated need to be good. 

"Make me," he spat back, crowding into Lafayette, adrenaline and need pumping in his veins.

Lafayette just smirked, and grabbed Alex by the pony tail and the back of the shirt. Spun him around and all but threw him to the ground.

Alex caught himself on hands and knees in the plush grass, spitting curses, but then Lafayette was on him, hand on his back, the other hand going for his belt, and Alex squirmed but he didn't really mean it, couldn't help but buck his hips against Lafayette's hand when Lafayette got his belt undone and shoved his breeches down his hips, just enough to free his cock and expose his backside.

"Fuck, fuck, Lafayette, hurry," Alex panted, spread his knees a bit, arched back, didn't care that he'd been reduced to nearly begging, didn't care that they were in public.

"Check?" Lafayette snapped out the word, hips driving against Alex's ass, soft fabric on bare skin, the length of Lafayette's erection between his cheeks.

"Canter, get your cock in me!" Alex bit back, tearing up a handful of grass in frustration.

Lafayette responded by sinking two slicked up fingers right into his hole, so sudden it drove a howl from Alex's lips.

Lafayette leaned in close, lips on Alex's ear.

"Remember when I threatened to gag you with my glove?" He hissed.

Alex's blood ran hot and he moaned at the suggestion and at Lafayette's fingers pumping in and out of him, stretching and filling him, little pain but it felt so good.

"You are lucky I have no gloves today," Lafayette punctuated the sentence with a nip to Alex's neck. 

Alex drove his hips back against Lafayette's fingers, desperate for more, cock drilling into the grass.

"Please!" He wailed. "I'm ready, fuck me, please!"

Lafayette pulled his fingers out with a pop that seemed deafeningly loud to Alex's ears.

He bit his lip and squirmed, listened to the sound of Lafayette stroking oil up his cock - had he brought that with him?!

"Shh Alexander. What will people think?!" The head of Lafayette's cock nudged up against Alex's hole, and then he was inside him, rough and fast, hips driving into him with a punishing rhythm.

Alex choked back a cry of pleasure, braced himself on his palms and arched his head back, felt so full, so good, Lafayette's cock pounding into his prostate over and over and over again.

"Fuck, fuck, Laf, fuck!" Alex panted, didn't care who heard them, didn't care if anyone saw. 

Lafayette grabbed onto his hip with one hand, drove into him harder and faster, loud sounds of his hips slapping against Alex's ass, the wet sound of his cock driving in and out, quiet huff of breath as he grew closer to orgasm. 

Alex shifted, pushed into the ground with the heel of one hand and reached under himself, floated his dripping cock and started to jack himself with fast, tight strokes, needed to come, needed it now.

"Laf, Laf, need to come!" He panted.

Lafayette grabbed Alex's ponytail with his free hand, yanked his head back hard as his hips stilled deep inside him, pumping him full of come.

Alex howled, vision going white as he came hard over his hand, into the grass, wave after wave of pleasure wringing his body out.

He planted his hand back in the grass, panting. 

"Fuck," he gasped.

Lafayette pulled out with another loud pop, leaned in and stroked his tongue up Alex's ass, right over his oversensitive hole, made Alex twitch and let out a little cry. Hitched Alex's breeches back up over his ass.

"Feel better now, Starlight?" He asked.

"Fuck you," Alex panted. He wiped his hand in the grass and fastened his belt, then sat up and grinned open mouthed over at Laf.

Lafayette just grinned back, and patted the ground beside where he sat, legs splayed, resting back on his palms.

Alex crawled over, fitted himself between Lafayette's legs and draped himself over his chest with a happy sigh. 

"I was curious how long it would take you to break and ask for it," Lafayette commented.

Alex swatted his arm.

"You ass."


	6. Coffee Break

John hummed softly to himself, a slow, sad tune he’d heard a bard playing in the palace commons the other day. He sat perched on a padded stool, paintbrush in hand, painting out the sunrise over the bay from memory. Warm yellows, pinks, and oranges in the sky, something easy, something a little mindless.

Life had settled into a routine, and he still couldn’t believe how incredibly lucky he was, how incredibly blessed. To have not only Lafayette, but Alex too. Both here, both safe, both still in love with him, and even better yet- in love with each other too.

Never in his wildest dreams would he have thought it could all work out like this, that all those nights too many drinks in with a mouthful of someone else’s misplaced rage were for naught.

He couldn’t keep the soft smile from his face, that blissed out feeling that made him feel like he was walking in a dream.

He jumped a little when strong arms circled his bare waist, tugged him back into a hug.

“You are just as bad as our Alexander when he gets into something. You’ve been at this for hours. Come on my love, I am bored. Lets go riding this afternoon. I want to watch Alexander fall off his horse again.” Lafayette kissed John’s cheek, nuzzled against him.

John laughed and set down his paint brush, leaned into Lafayette’s embrace.

“Alright, alright. Lunch first?” John twisted, heart warming at the sound of Lafayette saying _our Alexander_. “Where is Alex, anyways?”

“Where do you think?” Lafayette leaned down and dropped a soft kiss on John’s mouth, and John beamed back up at him. “You are covered in paint, sweet thing.”

“I can’t help it.” John rinsed his brushes and set them to dry, then stood up.

Hand in hand, they left the small room John was using as a studio and headed down the hall, slipped into the room’s twin, on the other side of the house to find Alex at his desk, writing away.

“Babe. Time to stop.” John plucked the quill from Alex’s hand deftly, and bounced back out of reach – Alex didn’t appreciate having his work interrupted.

“Hey!” Alex protested, tried to snatch the quill back, but John was faster. “I wasn’t done with that!”

“Don’t care!” John stuck out his tongue like a petulant child.

Alex lunged, tackling John around the waist and bringing them both to the ground in a heap.

John laughed, tossed the quill at Lafayette – who didn’t catch it. How a former archer could have such godawful hand eye coordination, John didn’t know – and focussed on trying to wrestle Alex into submission. He succeeded, too, got Alex over onto his back with John’s arm pressing tight into his chin. Grinned down at him triumphantly, defiance in Alex’s glare, and still just felt so gods damned happy that he had gotten this lucky.

Alex’s glare softened, and he grinned cheekily.

John yelped in surprise when Alex’s hand shoved down the back of his pants.

“Hey! That’s cheating!”

“All’s fair in love and war.” Alex stuck out his tongue.

“Okay, okay, that’s enough. Come on Alexander, it’s time for lunch and some fresh air.” Lafayette reached down, helped them both up.

Alex groaned.

“Don’t tell me you want to go riding _again_.” But he snaked an arm around Lafayette’s waist as he whined, tucked in against him and grinned up at him.

“Yes, I do, prickle bush. You’re not going to learn until you practice.” Lafayette tapped Alex’s nose in a soft reprimand, and Alex scrunched up his face.

“Consider what that poor horse has to go through every time I sit on it though.” Alex countered.

“Her. Sit on her. Her name is Cabby, remember?” John butted in, tucked himself into Lafayette’s other side.

“Right. I still think she needs a new name,” Alex retorted.

“What she needs, Alexander, is exercise. As do you.” Lafayette pinched Alex’s side, where, now that he wasn’t fighting a war and walking all day, he was starting to soften and fill out.

John loved it. He loved watching all of Alex’s hard edges soften under the patient application of real food, peaceful life, and affection.

“Fine,” Alex huffed, and he tipped his chin up, and Lafayette leaned in and kissed him, and John felt like his heart might just explode watching the two people he loved most in the world, loving each other too. It was the most precious gift he could have never imagined.


	7. You Woke Me Up At 1am To Cuddle?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alright so. Long before Lafayette met John and Alex, long before the war started up again this time around, Lafayette and Thomas Jefferson were BFFs. They grew up together, and have been friends since their early teens. 
> 
> This particular one-shot is set when they were both around 19 years of age, quite a few years before the beginning of Love/War :)

“Lafayette. Hey. Lafayette.”

Lafayette groaned and rolled over, tossing a pillow in the direction of the voice that was disturbing his sleep.

“Hey! Lafayette…” the voice took on a distinctly whiny tone.

“Thomas?” Lafayette grumbled, pushed himself up on one elbow and blinked sleepily at his friend, silhouetted by moonlight. He struggled up from sleep. “Why are you in my bedroom?”

“I… Lafayette. I just needed…” Thomas trailed off, wringing his hands in front of him.

Lafayette sat up. Scrubbed his hands over his face and stifled a yawn.

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah. Yeah. I am, I just… I fucked up again, with James, and it’s cold out, and I-“ Thomas huffed in frustration, each word a struggle.

“Hey. It’s okay. Get in bed.” Lafayette lifted up the covers in invitation, and Thomas climbed in.

They lay stiffly beside each other for a long moment, Thomas shivering, until Lafayette scooted closer, wrapped an arm around his friend and pulled him close.

“Lafayette, I don’t want-“

“Hush. I know.” Lafayette soothed, just held Thomas close, tugged the blankets tighter around him. They had tried, once, about a year ago, to explore something more than just friendship. It had gone disastrously, but through careful effort their friendship had only grown. Lafayette didn’t press for more, just held Thomas, loose enough that he could pull away if he needed to.

Slowly, Thomas relaxed. Slowly, his shivering subsided.

“I can’t believe you woke me up in the middle of the night just to cuddle,” Lafayette grumbled good-naturedly. Didn’t really mind, liked having someone to cuddle, in all honesty. It got lonely in this big bed, in this big house with no company, and so he was grateful that Thomas’ anxiety had driven him here, simple need for touch overriding the potential awkwardness of waking someone up in the middle of the night.

“Shut up, you should be grateful for the chance to cuddle me,” Thomas retorted, some of his usual fire back in his voice.

Lafayette grinned, and kissed Thomas’ forehead quickly.

“Hey! None of that!” Thomas swatted Lafayette gently, and just like that everything felt normal again. “Keep your mouth to yourself.”

“Fine, fine.” Lafayette sighed, acted put upon.

“You love me.”

“I do.”

Thomas sighed, and snuggled in tighter against Lafayette. Warm, secure, and safe.

Lafayette drifted back to sleep slowly, soft smile on his face, basking in the affection.


	8. Please Don't Give Up On Me

John woke with a pounding head and a sour stomach.

He groaned as he peeled himself up off the floor, mouth dry, regret heavy on his shoulders. He pushed himself back onto his knees and surveyed the damage. Empty liquor bottle – where had he even gotten that? They didn’t keep it in the house. Pool of vomit on the floor near where his head had been. Broken glass. Evidence of his failure stark in the light of morning. His shirt was… not here…

He had one boot on, breeches unlaced. Smarting bruise on his cheek and a throbbing lip. Sore ribs, not broken, but certainly bruised.

Failure, failure, failure.

John swallowed a fresh wave of nausea. It was supposed to be different now. Alex was back, Alex was home. Everything was fine.

Except, sometimes he still felt like everything was too big and too much to fit inside his chest. Sometimes he still hurt for no reason. Sometimes everything was too much and too overwhelming and too frightening and he just needed to change all of that feeling into something he could understand, something he could feel and touch and taste, metallic and sweet on his tongue.

He pulled himself to his feet, steadied himself against the counter when his head spun and his stomach lurched. Gods. One of the perks of being a healer was that hangovers tended not to hit him hard, but he’d had to expend more of his power than normal yesterday. Stupid, teenagers fencing with real swords… where they’d gotten their hands on them he’d never know, but it had taken all he’d had to keep enough of the kid’s blood inside his body for him to survive the day.

He had, but only just.

On shaky legs, John stumbled to the kitchen, snagged a bucket and filled it with warm, soapy water, and a rag. Ignored the furrowed browed, concerned look Clara shot him when she looked up from kneading bread dough, and stumbled back out to the sitting room. Kicked his other boot off, and then kicked it into the corner with a frustrated curse.

He set the bucket down, was about to drop back to his knees to start cleaning up his mess, when Lafayette padded into the sitting room, still sleep soft, pulling his hair back, stopped short at the sight of John.

“John? John! I thought when you were not there when we woke that you’d just gotten up early- I can’t believe I fell asleep before you got home, oh gods John I’m so sorry, oh John your face!” Lafayette was on him in a rush, hands on his arms, pulling him close, trying to get a good look at him, all of that love and worry so overwhelming, so sweet, so undeserved, and it just made John want to crumble, just made him want to crawl right back down that hole of alcohol and pain.

“Laf I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” John whispered.

Lafayette kissed his forehead, smoothed his hands down his arms, tried to pull him away.

“Come on love, leave that, the servants can look after it, let’s get you taken care of-“

“No, Laf. Let me do it.” John tugged his arms out of Lafayette’s hands. It was his mess. It was his mistake, his weakness, his failure.

“No, sweet heart no, you don’t have to, that’s what they’re here for-“ Lafayette tried again, reaching for John, distress in every line of his face.

“It’s my mess Laf.” John stepped back, hands shaking, couldn’t take this any more. “Let me do it.”

“But John, my love-“

“Let him do it.” Alex’s voice cut in, quiet but deadly sharp.

Lafayette and John both froze, and turned to stare at Alex, leaning against the doorway with his arms folded across his chest, frown on his face.

John wilted further in the face of Alex’s displeasure, his obvious disappointment, the thin undercurrent of anger under his skin. How could he have done this again? How could he do this to them, when they gave him everything and more, anything he ever asked for? He truly wasn’t deserving of their love.

“But, Alexander, he is hurt, he needs-“

“Enough, Lafayette,” Alex interrupted. “He needs you to stop coddling him. Let him clean it up. Out.” Alex pointed out the door.

Lafayette’s mouth dropped open, and for a moment he just gaped like a fish at Alex. John held his breath. Swayed. Didn’t want to be the cause of Alex and Lafayette’s first fight since they had finally reconciled, didn’t want to be the one to bring the damage in. Watched the two of them squared off, and then, incredibly, watched Lafayette back down, and leave the room.

Alex regarded John silently for another long moment.

“Alex?” John asked, hesitant, voice shaking.

Alex’s expression softened, just a touch.

“Get cleaned up John, then we’ll talk.”

And he was gone, leaving John alone to face the harsh reality of his mistakes exposed to daylight.

John swallowed hard, choked back the threat of tears, wanted to bury himself in Lafayette’s arms like every time before and hide until it all blew over. Knew he couldn’t do that anymore.

So he cleaned up the glass and the floor, put his boot away, located the other boot and put it away too. Still wasn’t sure where his shirt had gone. Rinsed out the bucket and put it away. Accepted a slice of warmed bread spread with butter from Clara and managed to get it down. Felt better, after. Padded upstairs and bathed, scrubbed himself thoroughly and washed his hair, tossed his clothes in the hamper. Smoothed salve onto his lip and cheek and ribs himself, hands trembling. Bandaged his ribs so the salve wouldn’t wreck his shirt. Could hear the low sound of Lafayette and Alex in the upstairs sitting room, arguing with lowered, heated voices, and burned with shame at being the cause of it.

Pulled his wet hair back into a braid, steeled himself, felt better, stronger, for cleaning up the damage himself, and padded into the upstairs sitting room.

Lafayette was standing by the window, arms folded around himself. His whole body was tight with tension, gaze fixed stubbornly out the window. He looked frustrated and he looked defeated and he looked a little lost. John’s heart twisted at the sight.

Alex was perched on the couch, watching Lafayette, the lines of tension far subtler. He looked frustrated too, looked resigned.

Alex looked over first at the sound of John’s voice.

Lafayette didn’t move, shoulders tight, just closed his eyes.

John looked between the two of them, and nearly went to his knees with relief when Alex opened his arms in invitation. Practically flew into them, scrambling into Alex’s lap, burying his face in his neck, choking back a shuddering sob, hand scrambling up under Alex’s shirt, desperate for touch.

“Easy. All clean?” Alex smoothed a hand down John’s back and hitched his chin up with two fingers, looked him in the eye.

John nodded.

“Feel better?” Alex asked, his gaze measuring.

“Yes,” John whispered back.

“Good. You’ve got to stop this, John. It’s not fair to Lafayette and it’s not fair to me and it’s not fair to you,” Alex said, voice firm.

John broke.

“I’m sorry Alex,” he sobbed. “Please don’t give up on me, please, I’m trying I swear!”

Alex sighed, and smoothed his thumb over John’s bruised cheek.

“No one’s giving up on you John. The thought never even crossed my mind. But you can’t hide from this anymore John, you can’t. It’s a problem, and we’re not angry with you, we’re just scared.” Alex’s big, dark eyes searched John’s face, and John trembled, wanted to push close, wanted to hide from it, wanted to be held up by something stronger than himself for a while.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” He sobbed, over and over.

“I know you are baby boy. I know. We’re gonna help you, but we can’t do it for you,” Alex leaned in, kissed John’s forehead, and let go of his chin.

John sagged into Alex, shoved his face back into his neck and forced himself to take deep breaths, to rein it in. To dig deep and find a little extra bit of strength, if not for himself, then for Alex and Lafayette.

“…may I touch him now, Alexander?” Lafayette’s voice cut in, clipped, tight with contained anger.

John trembled a bit at the sound of it.

Alex must have nodded, because the couch shifted and Lafayette was there too, hugging him too, face against the back of John’s neck, murmuring love and reassurance into John’s wet hair.

John closed his eyes, steadied himself in the warm bracket of Alex and Lafayette’s bodies, and stopped crying. He needed Lafayette’s unwavering, unquestioning love, needed his constant warmth and reassurance, but Alex had forced him to stand on his own shaky feet, had pushed him to take a few steps he hadn’t known he was strong enough to take, to face the problem in the light for a moment…

…and it had felt good.


	9. Don't Tease

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeffmads makes a reappearance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMUT

Thomas sighed, content, life was so good these days. He was curled on the love seat with James, tangled in blankets and each other, each reading their own book, quiet heavy and warm over the room. His head lay on James’ chest, James’ legs on either side of his body, back to chest.

James fingers found Thomas’ hip absently, stroked him with soft finger tips.

Thomas hummed softly in pleasure, skin warm beneath James’ fingers.

He continued to read, aware of James’ fingers in an abstract way, the soft brush of touch as his hand slid to Thomas’ stomach, palm flat and warm, soft weight.

James’ hand slid a little lower, dipped beneath the hem of Thomas’ breeches, stilled.

Thomas realized he’d read the same sentence three times and couldn’t have told anyone what it said.

“James...” Thomas whined, arches his hips up a little into James’ hand.

“Yes?” James didn’t take his eyes from his book.

Thomas huffed. Squirmed under James’ hand, his cock twitching as it thickened and filled out.

James continued to read, stroked his fingers a little lower, just out of reach of Thomas’ cock, light touches, teasing touches.

“James...” Thomas whined again, tried to shift up so his cock would brush against James’ hand, but James just moved his hand too.

“Do you need something, Thomas?” James asked.

“Don’t tease,” Thomas panted, squirming in James’ arms.

“Hold still,” James chastised. Pinched Thomas’ skin between thumb and forefinger.

Thomas yelped and whined. Stilled. Tried to focus on his book, but couldn't with James’ hand wandering over his hips and belly. He couldn’t pay attention to the words in front of his face, front of his breeches damp with precome, hadn’t even been touched yet, not really.

James pulled his hand from Thomas’ breeches and cupped Thomas’ cock through the thin fabric.

“What’s this?” Voice low, heated.

“James...” Thomas panted, hips jerking against James’ hand.

“Naughty boy... getting all turned on when we’re trying to have a nice afternoon reading...” James taunted gently. He pressed his hand down, rubbed firmly, dragged a loud moan out of Thomas’ mouth.

“James, James, please, you were touching me, couldn’t help it!” Thomas squirmed, rocked his hips up into James’ hand. “Please, touch me, need your hand!”

“I am touching you,” James replied. Ran one finger up the length of Thomas’ cock, trapped in his breeches.

“B-but, properly!” Thomas whined.

“Ask nicely.” James nipped Thomas’ ear, chastising.

“Please! Please James, please touch my cock, no breeches, please!” Thomas turned his head, nudged his face into James’ neck, panting. He lifted his hips, rocked into James’ hand, desperate.

“Shh, shh. So desperate. I’ve got you,” James murmured.

Thomas stilled, quivering, as James unlaced his breeches, and pulled Thomas’ cock free.

“Look at you, already dripping and I’ve barely touched you,” James gripped Thomas’ cock firmly, stroked his thumb back and forth over the head.

Thomas squirmed, pressed an open mouthed kiss to James’ neck, rocked his hips until James pinned him down with his other arm, pulling him tight against him. James’ hardening cock pressed against Thomas’ back, and he tightened his hand, stroked Thomas with tight, firm strokes.

“Hold still,” James chided. He tightened his hand, pumped Thomas’ cock quicker, fingers tight.

Thomas groaned, let his head fall back on James’ shoulder, pleasure tightening in his gut.

“That’s it baby, I’ve got you,” James murmured in his ear.

Thomas let his mouth fall open, let himself come apart with James’ hand on his dick, stroking him higher and higher, closer to coming, wrapped up in the feeling of James’ hard cock against his back, James’ chest rising and falling beneath him, James’ hand, tight and slick with precome, stroking him just so...

“Gonna come Jemmy,” he panted, belly tight with it, cock dripping over James’ fingers.

“Go on then, come Thomas,” James whispered in his ear. Tightened his hand, stroked him faster.

“James!” Thomas’ hips bucked up as he came, shooting thick ropes of come up onto his belly, his vision going white as he rode out his orgasm, little moans escaping his mouth.

“That’s it, gods Thomas, love to feel you fall apart,” James murmured, let him go, kissed the side of his head.

Thomas went limp in James’ arms, panting. Squirmed a little against James’ cock.

“What about you?” He panted.

“Catch your breath first baby, cause then I’m going to eat you out on your hands and knees and fuck you until you see stars.”


	10. I'll Get You To The Healers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I indulge in the side of me that wants to write about horses ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> TW broken bones.

It should have been a perfect day.

The air was crisp and the horses were fresh, skies clear. Alex had opted to stay home, said he didn’t want to slow them down despite their protests that they wanted him along. They’d left him curled up in the sitting room with his nose in a book, and headed out to the stables.

Now, John reined Merry in from a long gallop, stroked a hand down her silky red neck when she tossed her head, impatient.

Lafayette clattered up beside, had to wrestle Inky a little bit to get her to slow, her eyes wide, nostrils flared. He had elected to take her out instead of Spike this morning, the big bay was favouring a hind leg and needed some rest, and he was hoping to bring Inky along as a potential mount for Alex in the future, once he felt comfortable enough to move on from Cabbage. Her slight stature and black coat would look so handsome paired with Alex’s sharp features and black hair, Lafayette had practically swooned at the idea when he’d first seen the mare, and who was John to dissuade him?

Now, though, he wasn’t so sure.

Inky tossed her head, popped her front end up of the ground and grunted, then settled into a spirited jig. She shook her dainty head, curb chain jingling under her chin.

Lafayette stroked her, spoke to her in low, soothing tones, and grinned over at John.

“It’s a shame she is so slight, and a gift for Alexander, or I fear I’d just have to keep her for myself,” he said, reins gathered in one hand, the other rubbing her neck soothingly.

John shook his head, reins loose, Merry’s neck stretched out into a relaxed, forward walk.

“Are you sure she’ll be suitable for Alex, Laf? She’s a bit flighty,” John was not the horseman Lafayette was, though he enjoyed them greatly. Merry was calm and steady, though she needed the gentlest of hand, and he was perfectly happy with her, had no desire to dabble in bringing along young stock like Lafayette did, though he knew Lafayette had his eye out for a second horse for him, just in case Merry should get injured.

“In time. She is young yet, and it is my hope that by the time Alexander is ready for something more challenging than Cabbage, Inky will have settled enough for him to move along to her. She is a pleasure to ride, truly. Once she’s come along a little more, I would love you to take her for a turn,” Lafayette sat Inky’s fidgeting with ease, totally unfazed by the way she pranced beneath him.

John shook his head.

“Eventually. I enjoy how simple Merry is to ride – I don’t have to think about her, much.” He shrugged.

“Fair enough. Come on.” Lafayette appeared not to move at all, but Inky surged forwards in a spirited canter, and John gathered up his reins as Merry followed suit.

The wind in his hair and the shared joy of cantering down the road, hoofbeats drumming on the packed dirt, there was nothing like it. John couldn’t help but smile, relaxed into the motion of the horse beneath him, familiarity with a mount he’d owned for many years now, a grudging gift from his father upon his graduation from the healers’ college, and a rare olive branch.

So he wasn’t paying attention to the road ahead.

So he wasn’t holding his reins perhaps as tight as he should, or positioned as defensively as perhaps he should have been.

So when a pair of deer burst out of the forest mere feet in front of them, John didn’t react as quickly as perhaps he could have.

Merry threw her head up and shied sideways, crashed into Inky, and skidded to a halt, head high, legs braced, nostrils flared.

John lost his stirrups, fell forwards onto Merry’s neck and only just managed to right himself by grabbing onto desperate handfuls of Merry’s chestnut mane. He hauled himself upright just in time to see the deer flee into the brush on the other side of the road.

Just in time to see Inky launch a series of spectacular bucks, her refined head between her knees, back rounded.

Just in time to see Lafayette, already unbalanced, go sailing over Inky’s shoulder when she dropped and spun around, and land with a sickening crack on the road.

Inky took off down the road, back the way they’d come.

Lafayette didn’t move.

“Laf!” John flung himself out of the saddle, yanked Merry’s reins over her head and kept a tight hold on her with one hand lest she get any bright ideas to follow Inky back down the road. Spared a brief thought of hope that Inky would head for home and not get injured along the way, and pushed the little black horse from his mind completely.

Lafayette groaned, cursing under his breath, ashen faced with pain.

John dropped to his knees in the road, put gentle hands on Lafayette, choked back his power jumping right below the surface, and wanted to scream.

“Where does it hurt?” He cradled Lafayette’s head in his hands, brushed sweaty curls back from his forehead, wished he could do more, hated this, hated it so much, knew how to fix it, how to take Lafayette’s pain away, make him better.

Couldn’t.

Knew what happened when people tried to heal those they loved most, the cruelty of their power when it was combined with love, and the inability to heal those they cared for them most…

“My shoulder, my shoulder,” Lafayette huffed, eyes closed, breathing hard.

“Easy, easy, we gotta get you to healers, I can’t do it Laf. Do you think you can ride?” John shook with the need to fix it. It would be so easy to just flatten his hands over Lafayette’s shoulder, sink in with his power, mend broken bones and torn muscle. A cracked clavicle was not difficult to mend.

But he couldn’t do it. Wouldn’t survive even such a simple healing, not when it was Lafayette.

“Yeah, I have to, I guess,” Lafayette gritted his teeth, let John help him sit up. Smiled a tight smile when Merry lipped at his hair, and kept his left arm cradled tight against his body.

“Merry quit it. Ready Laf? If you get up on that rock there, I can get on behind you and we’ll head back.” John helped Lafayette stand, steadied him while he caught his breath, eyes closed, jaw tight, skin ashen. 

After a moment, Lafayette nodded. Let John help him to the rock, let John help him up onto Merry’s back.

John swung onto the horse behind Lafayette, settled just behind the saddle and slid his arms around Lafayette’s waist to pick up the reins. Carefully, he guided Merry around, and sent her for home, voice quiet, cheek resting against Lafayette’s right shoulder.

“That’s it, good girl Merry. Let’s get Laf to the healers.”

Bless animals and their heightened senses, Merry seemed to realize she was carrying precious cargo, and did not set a foot wrong the entire walk back to the city. She picked her way daintily down the road, pace steady, head low, carrying out the mission John had set her, to bring Lafayette home safely.

John could have kissed her.

Did, when he dismounted at the palace healers, grabbing her bridle in both hands and planting a smooch on her velvety pink nose.

“Good girl Merry,” He stroked her fondly, then helped Lafayette carefully down, handed Merry off to a healers’ apprentice to hold, and guided Lafayette inside.

-

After, Lafayette healed and woozy, ready for sleep, John led Merry home on foot, Lafayette drooped in her saddle, his hands in her mane for balance.

They were greeted in the road by Alex, looking frantic. He ran out to join them as they reached the manor, bare foot and wide eyed with worry.

“Lafayette! John what happened?! That horse came back on its own and there was no sign of you and I was so worried!” He helped Lafayette down when they reached the back door, wrapped an arm around his waist and steadied him, hands checking for injuries frantically.

“It was not… Inky’s fault,” Lafayette murmured.

“The horses spooked at some deer, Lafayette’s collarbone was broken but we’ve been to the healers, he’s alright now. Can you take him inside to rest while I see to Merry?” John watched Alex lead Lafayette up the back steps, hated to give his care to anyone else, even Alex, even for a moment, but knew he was in good hands.

He passed Merry over to the stable boy with instructions to give her a good rub down and a bran mash with carrots. Peeked in at Inky quickly and was relieved to see her in one piece, legs wrapped with standing wraps, coat clean and gleaming, no worse for wear.

“And he wants to give you to Alex.” John shook his head, gave Inky an absent pat and fed her a carrot, then hurried back to the house.

Found Lafayette sound asleep in bed, his head pillowed in Alex’s lap.


	11. Renovations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SMUT
> 
> You get two today because I forgot to post one yesterday :)

For months, there were people hard at work in the bathroom on the main floor, ripping it out and rebuilding it, complete with something that Lafayette was gleefully calling a ‘shower’ - something he said his friend Thomas had, and that was absolutely incredible.

Alex just rolled his eyes, couldn’t complain because Lafayette obviously had the money, and whenever he mentioned it his eyes lit up with excitement.

So John and Alex watched curiously, and waited, until finally it was finished.

They’d spent the morning out running small errands, and by the time they got back to the house Alex’s teeth were chattering and he had his nose tucked into his scarf and no amount of huddling against the winter air was doing anything to keep him warm.

But when they returned to the house the workers were filing out, and when Lafayette asked if it was ready to use they said yes, and so Lafayette gleefully herded John and Alex into the bathroom and started tugging at their clothes.

“Come on, this is perfect, we will get warm in the water!”

Alex eyed the ‘shower’ dubiously. It was a large stall of sorts with a tile floor that sloped ever so slightly towards a drain. There were two pipes coming from the ceiling with wide, covered ends, and taps in the wall.

Lafayette reached in and turned the taps, and both John and Alex jumped in surprise when water poured from all the tiny holes in the flat ends of the spouts like rain.

“What on earth?” John asked, and Lafayette grinned.

Alex stood naked, shivering, and stared at Lafayette.

“What’s it for?” He asked, watching steam rise as the water heated up, his arms wrapped tightly around himself for warmth.

“Getting clean, like the bath, but this way if you just want to rinse off or clean quickly, you do not have to fill the entire bathtub,” Lafayette explained as he rooted around in the newly built cabinet beneath the hand sink.

He straightened up and set three towels on the counter, then stepped into the shower and set a vial of oil and some soap in the little shelf that stood inside it.

“Come on in my loves!” Lafayette stepped fully into the spray and let his eyes close, looked the absolute picture of bliss.

John looked and Alex and shrugged, and Alex shook his head at the ridiculousness of it, and they stepped inside too.

Alex had to admit, the spray of warm water on his skin felt absolutely heavenly, and he hummed with pleasure at it.

John mumbled something over the sound of the water, and crowded into Lafayette, nosed under his chin and cuddled into his side.

Alex watched as Lafayette dropped his head and kissed John, long and deep, water streaming over their bodies.

And yeah, okay, he could get behind this.

He jockeyed his way in, still shivering with cold, and grabbed the bar of soap. Lathered up his hands and started to wash John, hands working over soft skin and hard muscle as John mumbled appreciation and let his head fall against Lafayette’s shoulder.

Lafayette leaned down, mouthed at Alex’s neck while Alex’s hands worked down John’s torso, then curled around his half hard cock and stroked him, eliciting a low moan from his mouth.

“Oh yeah, baby girl...” John murmured, and he bit gently into Lafayette’s shoulder, made Lafayette huff softly against Alex’s neck.

“Are you still cold, Alexander?” Lafayette asked.

“Yeah, getting warmer though,” Alex replied, hands still toying with John’s hardening cock as the water rinsed the soap away.

“Perhaps you should suck John’s cock to take your mind off it?” Lafayette suggested, and with the way John moaned, the way John’s cock jumped in his hands, how could Alex say no?

He moved to kneel, only to be stopped by Lafayette’s hands on his hips.

“Um?” He looked at Lafayette questioningly.

“Bend at the waist, Starlight,” Lafayette suggested, dark look in his eyes.

Alex swallowed, nodded. Bent at the waist and pressed an open mouthed kiss to John’s belly, tongue flicking out to stroke over his freckled skin.

John moaned softly and dug his fingers into Alex’s hair, scratched at his scalp.

“That’s it baby girl. Look at you all wet,” John said, looking down at Alex.

Alex groaned and bent lower, licked at the head of John’s cock with teasing strokes of his tongue. Lafayette’s hands on his hips stroked down to his ass cheeks, dug in a little, warm water running over his lower back and his ass, Lafayette’s hands, air thick with steam.

Then the water grew hotter, nearly too hot but so, so good after being out in the cold.

Alex parted his lips to suckle the head of John’s cock, mouth tight around it, John’s fingers scratching at his scalp.

Then Lafayette’s hands on his ass tightened and pulled his cheeks apart, and the stream of hot water hit right above his hole, hot water pouring down between his cheeks, over his hole and balls and down his cock and it was so hot and sudden and wonderful that Alex cried out in surprise, cock twitching, and tilted his hips up, never wanted that incredible sensation to end.

He heard Lafayette chuckle, heard John groan softly and say something that he couldn’t quite catch over the spray of the water, and then Lafayette’s fingertip was circling his hole, pressing slightly, and Alex moaned loud, his eyes rolling back in his head, wet heat still pouring right over his sensitive rim.

“You are supposed to be sucking John’s cock, Alexander,” Lafayette reminded him.

Alex whined and whispered ‘sorry’ against John’s stomach. Received a soft huff and tightening fingers in his hair in reply, and returned his mouth to the head of John’s cock, sucking with tight lips.

Lafayette’s oiled finger pressed inside him, teasing, Lafayette’s body moving to block the spray of water as he pumped his finger into Alex’s tight hole.

Alex moaned, Lafayette’s skilled fingertip finding his prostate and rubbing against it, making heat bloom liquid deep inside Alex’s body.

Alex parted his lips, sucked John’s cock deeper into his mouth and stroked at the underside of it with his tongue.

“You’re so good baby girl, your mouth, fuck, gonna fuck you a little okay?” John panted, fingers tugging at Alex’s hair.

Lafayette slipped a second finger inside Alex as Alex tapped twice on John’s thigh in consent, and groaned deep in his throat at the way Lafayette’s fingers felt inside him, stretching him out, rubbing over his prostate, pumping quick and firm inside him and then spreading open.

“Can you take my cock in your ass at the same time? Let us both fuck you at once, Alexander?” Lafayette asked.

Alex’s cock twitched again at the suggestion, pleasure curling tight in his stomach, and he tapped twice on John’s thigh again.

“He says yes, sir,” John said, voice going a little soft, little breathy, and if that didn’t just make Alex’s blood heat too.

“What a good boy he is,” Lafayette replies mildly, and he pulled his fingers out with a wet pop just as John’s hips started to move gently, fucking in and out of Alex’s mouth.

Alex let his eyes close, steam and water and the taste of John’s cock, the slick glide of it over his tongue... it filled his senses, left no room for anything else.

But then Lafayette’s cock was nudging up against his hole, Lafayette’s hands on his hips, fingers digging in, and Lafayette’s cock was pushing inside him, filling him up, and his mind blanked a little, overfilled with sensations it wanted to focus on, and overwhelmed.

He moaned around John’s cock, spread his feet a little for balance as Lafayette’s hips started to move, cock pumping in and out of him, every stroke bailing his prostate with a precision that was frankly astounding.

He could hear John talking, could hear Lafayette reply, but there was no room in his head for anything more, just noice and wet warmth and the impossible pleasure of being filled by John and Lafayette both, at once.

John’s fingers tightened in his hair and he fucked into his mouth and throat with harder, faster strokes of his hips, taste of precise thick on Alex’s tongue, endless babble of words falling somewhere short of Alex’s mind actually processing.

Alex moved to fit a hand around his own cock and received a stinging slap on the arm from Lafayette.

Let go with a whine and felt the world get a little fuzzier edged, could have gotten lost in his own need, in the quickening rhythm of Lafayette’s cock fucking in and out of him, loud slap on skin in skin, deep groan from Lafayette’s throat.

“Check,” John murmured.

That came through, and Alex tapped twice, response a little slugging, but there, and then John’s hips were stuttering and he was groaning deep in his throat and Alex’s mouth was flooded with come, hot and thick and salty, blanking everything else out of his mind for a moment.

Lafayette’s fingers dug harder into his hips and he fucked him faster, punishing stroke after stroke right into his prostate.

Alex kept John’s softening cock in his mouth, just let it rest there, didn’t want to let go yet.

John’s hands slid under his chest, held him up with splayed fingers, and Alex leaned into it, murmured soft appreciation.

Lafayette’s fingernails dig into Alex’s hips as he drove into him harder and faster, and then he was holding himself deep inside Alex as he came, loud groan tugging Alex back down to earth.

Lafayette pulled out slowly, and Alex whined as his hands slid under his belly, tugged him carefully off of John’s cock and pulled him upright.

Alex curled against Lafayette, nuzzled into his neck with a soft huff, everything soft and fuzzy, warm.

John pressed in close, kissed Alex’s neck and stroked his tongue over his skin.

Alex moaned softly, his own cock aching with the need to come.

Lafayette’s hand curled around his cock, and then John’s joined it, and Alex looked down through the water and steam and watched both hands stroke his cock together, fingers interlaced.

“You can come now baby girl, you did so good, fuck, look how good your cock looks in our hands...” John murmured in Alex’s ear.

That was all it took, and Alex groaned loudly as he came, pumping thick ropes of come over Lafayette and John’s hands, pleasure wringing him out.

The world went fuzzy again, and Alex was glad for Lafayette and John’s arms around him because he wasn’t sure he could hold himself up, but they held him close, and John pressed soft kisses along his shoulder, and Lafayette let his chin drop to the top of Alex’s head, and the water kept them warm, washed them clean, and Alex let himself drift, happy.


	12. Mine

The ball was in full swing.

Thomas was a few glasses of wine in, dancing with notable person after notable person, schmoozing and flirting with all the right people. The room spun and swirled, colourful ballgowns, sparkling champagne, warm lighting.

He had done his social rounds, talked to everyone he needed to talk to, had even stolen Lafayette away from stupid John Laurens and even worse, Alexander Hamilton, for a dance. Chided his choice of partners playfully, but was truly happy as long as Lafayette was happy. And oh, Lafayette was happy. Thomas had never seen his friend so carefree. The parts of him that had seemed missing since the war… they were back now, and he could see even through his own distate for Alexander, that he had been the missing link to bring it all back together.

The song ended, and Thomas stepped back. Thanked the pretty young girl he’d danced with, and looked around in search of another glass of champagne. A drink, and then another dance, and then perhaps he would find James and convince him it was time to go home.

He had just spotted a waiter with a platter of champagne glasses and started to head over when strong arms wrapped around his middle and pulled him back against James’ familiar broad chest.

“Mine,” James murmured in his ear.

Thomas shivered, choked back a whine – they were in public for gods’ sake – and tilted his head back to grin at James.

“Hi James,” Thomas sighed happily, marvelling for the millionth time how wonderful it felt just to melt into loving James, fully and openly. No more staying up at night worrying over it, no more pining over someone who was right there beside him, no more wondering. Just an easy sinking into something that felt so right, felt like home.

“You’ve danced with all of these people, but you haven’t danced with me yet,” James grumbled, turning Thomas around in his arms.

“I’ll dance with you now?” Thomas draped his arms over James’ shoulders. Champagne could wait, all of it could wait. Nothing was as important as James.

“As if I’m your last resort?” James asked, voice teasing.

“Never!” Thomas protested.

He let James lead him out onto the dance floor, let James’ take his hand, pull him close, and lead him into the dance. James’ hand spanning the small of his back felt solid and comforting, and so, so right.

“Sure, sure. You ready to go after this? I think you need a little reminding of just who you belong to,” James murmured, low in Thomas’ ear.

Thomas choked back another small sound of desire, his breath catching in his throat.

“And whose am I, James?” he taunted, tried to keep the breathless need out of his voice, but knew James could feel the way he melted at the words.

“Mine.”


	13. Don't Walk Out On Me

Sometimes, it all felt a little suffocating.

Sometimes, Alex woke up in the middle of the night and felt like he couldn’t breathe for all the closeness.

He climbed out of bed and threw on a thin robe, padded silently out onto the balcony into the cool night air and tried to take deep breaths, tried to settle, to still. Still felt uncomfortable in his new life sometimes, surrounded by finery, everything charmed, easy. Tried not to think about it too hard most of the time, but sometimes he just couldn’t help it.

Tried to do what he could through his writing to help Va’an still. Didn’t know what else he could do from here.

Chafed at his role as a scribe, but couldn’t just not do anything, even though Lafayette and John both insisted he need not work.

Sometimes looked at their lives, their relationship, tried to see what he brought to the table and came up empty handed.

He put his palms on the wide stone railing and leaned over, looking down at the lush gardens below. More wealth in this one estate than he’d ever imagined in his life, and just a drop in the bucket in this city.

It all felt too easy, and that made Alex uneasy.

He didn’t know how to live his life without fighting tooth and nail for something. Didn’t know how to relax and just be, to slow down, to take a breath. His life had never allowed for it before, and now…

It made him tremble inside with the need to constantly be doing something of value.

“Alex?” John padded out onto the balcony to join him, wrapped in a throw blanket, sleep tousled and warm. “What are you doing out here? It’s the middle of the night.”

“I couldn’t sleep,” Alex took a deep breath, leaned down onto his arms on the balcony, still looking out.

“Everything okay?” John leaned down beside him, left a little sliver of distance that Alex felt grateful for, and then felt guilty for feeling grateful for.

“Yeah. It’s just weird sometimes… all this…” Alex gestured out over the gardens and shrugged helplessly.

“What? This again? Alex… we’ve talked about this…” John looked at him, confusion written all over his face.

No matter how many times they had this conversation, John didn’t understand it, and Alex couldn’t completely let it go. John, and Lafayette, had both grown up with so much wealth they didn’t even spare it a thought. What to Alex seemed like a lifetimes worth of savings, to John or Lafayette was something barely worth thinking about. Gods, even John’s new horse, the lovely gray that Lafayette had just purchased for him, had cost more than Alex had seen in his life. And they thought nothing of it.

“I know, I know… I just… I still sometimes feel like I’m not doing anything of value,” Alex sighed.

“Hey… that’s not true. Your very existence has value to me. You could do nothing more than just sit here and breathe and it would be valuable to me Alex. You know that. You don’t have to bring anything to the table except for yourself, and I know Lafayette would agree. We love you, and we want you here.” John leaned in and kissed Alex’s cheek. “Besides that though, your writing is valuable, you’re keeping Va’an in people’s minds, reminding them to think of our new cousins, to help balance it all. That has value. Is there something you’d rather be doing?”

Alex shrugged, leaned in a little so their shoulders touched.

“I just feel like I could be doing so much more. It’s not enough to sit here in comfort and write, John, it’s not. I need to be _doing_ something!” Alex huffed. “I... sometimes I feel guilty that I’m here, that I’m not at home, helping them still, doing something to improve lives of people who really need it…”

John straightened like he’d been stung. Grabbed Alex by the shoulders and hauled him around, eyes wide.

“Don’t you leave me. Don’t you dare. Don’t even _think_ of it!” He hissed.

Alex yanked away, the anger sudden and unexpected.

“Fuck off John, I never said I was leaving you! I just can’t sit here in the middle of all this excess and do _nothing_ that means anything!” He snapped.

“Nothing that means anything!? Ouch, Alex,” John folded his arms across his chest, hurt all over his face.

“That’s not what I meant and you know it!” Alex retorted.

“Is it though!? Why isn’t this enough, Alex? We try to give you everything, what more do you need!?” John hissed, tried to keep his voice low, didn’t want to wake Lafayette up.

“Because I’m just _taking_ , John! I don’t feel like I give anything back, not to you and Laf, not to my country, not to anyone! I don’t know how to just relax and enjoy having priviledge because I’ve never _had_ it before!” Alex didn’t know how to get John to understand that life being easy just didn’t sit easy with him.

John stared at him. Said nothing for a long moment.

“Do you hate this that much?” He finally asked, voice soft.

“No! Gods, no, John. I don’t. I don’t, I’m just not always comfortable with it. It feels wrong to have so much…” Alex trailed off helplessly, shrugged his shoulders.

“Baby… you deserve the world, don’t ever doubt that. Don't you ever feel like maybe you've earned this? You've been through so much, maybe this is the universe giving back to you... I’m sorry I snapped at you, I just feel like sometimes this is all a dream and I’m going to wake up and not have you, like it’s all too good to be true,” John tugged the blanket closer around his shoulders and sighed, looking at Alex like he didn’t know what to do.

“That’s it though. That’s just it John. That’s how I feel, and I’m used to countering feelings with action, and so sometimes I feel frustrated that I’m not giving back somehow, not using my own fortune to help, some how.” Alex leaned back against the railing, and opened his arms.

John stepped into his embrace, wrapped his arms and the blanket around Alex and kissed him softly.

“Okay. So… how do you help? We can work through this Alex, can’t we? You don’t have to be a scribe, we don’t need money. None of us need work another day of our lives if we didn’t want to. Take that time, use that time to do something that helps you feel like you’re doing something of value. If you could do anything, anything at all Alex, what would you do?” John’s voice grew stronger, surer, as he spoke, excitement in his tone, eyes bright.

Alex couldn’t help but smile back, felt torn between not bringing in money, already felt insecure about how much he didn’t contribute, but couldn’t help but feel excited about the idea of doing something that made him feel like he had purpose again.

“I’d teach. I’d teach kids who don’t get a chance to learn otherwise, so that they can learn they’re worth something more than anyone ever thought. I know what it feels like to be written off when you’re not even old enough to have had a proper chance, if I can give something back to kids like that… kids like Gideon and Jothan... that would be incredible.” Alex couldn’t help it, felt excited at the thought, wanted to start now, mind racing with plans and ideas.

“See! You can _do_ that, Alex! We don’t need to make more money, and if it meant something to you to do something like that instead, Alex that’s worth so much more. We can build a school, we can give you somewhere to do that!” John gripped Alex’s shoulders, bounced on the balls of his feet, grinning ear to ear, the promise of possibility infectious.

“No, no. Let me do it. I’ll save what I’m making as a scribe, and I’ll build the school, it’s enough to know you support me in this. We’ll talk to Laf too, make sure he’s on board, but John… you’re incredible, thank you,” and Alex leaned in, both hands on John’s face, and he kissed him with all the love in his heart, hope and excitement soaring through his veins.


	14. Do You Want To Talk About It?

John was startled from sleep by a shout, and bolted upright in bed, fumbling in the dark.

“What’s wrong!?” He scrambled for the bedside table, trying to get his bearings, get some light. His heart pounded in his chest, and he fumbled with the matches and nearly dropped them before he got one lit. Got the candle lit, low, flickering light that took the edge off the darkness, and turned to Lafayette, sitting up, breathing like he’d just run for miles, staring at nothing.

“Lafayette?” John reached out carefully, touched a hand to Lafayette’s shoulder.

When Lafayette jumped, so did John.

“Laf! Wake up!” John shook Lafayette’s shoulder, and Lafayette sagged all at once, curled into John, and John could feel the clammy sheen of sweat on his skin, could feel his heartbeat racing in his chest.

“Alex, where’s Alex, John where’s Alex?” Lafayette was shaking, and he sounded small and helpless and afraid.

John wrapped his arms around him, held him close. Looked around the room.

“Uh… I’m not sure. Baby, it’s alright. I’m sure he’s nearby, you were having a dream.” John rubbed his hand up and down Lafayette’s arm, kissed his forehead, felt shaken by Lafayette’s fear. Lafayette was always strong and composed, he was the steadiest person John had ever met in his life. To see him like this… it frightened him.

“Go find him, please John, go find him, I need to see he’s alright. I was dreaming and then I reached out and he was gone and it frightened me, please John I need to see he’s alive.” Lafayette whispered, words fast, urgent, bordering on panic.

“Shh, shh, hey, hey. Laf, it’s alright. Look around, tell me where you are right now.” John couldn’t get up and leave Lafayette like this, knew Alex was probably somewhere in the house and fine, knew sometimes Alex woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t lie still and wait for sleep to return. Laf knew it too, but something in him seemed shaken loose, and John was reluctant to leave him alone.

Against him, Lafayette took deep breaths, pressed his cheek to John’s chest over his heart.

“At home. In bed.” Lafayette answered.

“Good. Tell me what you can feel.” John hugged Lafayette tighter, rubbed his arm, kissed his head.

“You. The blankets. The bed.” Lafayette answered, his breathing starting to even out.

“Good. Tell me what you can hear.” John looked at the open bedroom door, trying to will Alex to come back to bed, wherever he was.

“You.” Lafayette started to relax, loosened his death grip on John’s middle. Looked up at him.

“Good. What can you see?” John kissed Lafayette’s nose, smoothed a thumb over his cheek.

“You. The candle.” Lafayette sat up with a shaky breath, and rubbed his face over his hands.

John let him go, watching him carefully.

“Want to talk about it?” He asked, reaching for Lafayette’s hand. He twined their fingers together, squeezed gently.

Lafayette shook his head, but opened his mouth to speak anyways.

“I dreamed about that moment, about seeing his face, watching the arrow hit him in the chest…” A shudder ran through Lafayette and he squeezed his eyes closed at the memory. “And then when I reached for him, he was gone.”

John nodded, stroked his thumb over the back of Lafayette’s hand.

“Have you had this dream before, Laf?”

“Yes, just since he’s come home, but I’ve always been able to reach out, and found him there. It frightened me to reach out and touch nothing but cool sheets.” Lafayette squeezed John’s hand back, and sighed. “I’m alright now.”

Before John could offer to go get Alex, Alex appeared, padding silently back into the bedroom, wrapped up tight in a blanket. Looked a little hollow eyed, a little lost. A lot tired.

Lafayette was out of bed like he’d been stung, pulling Alex into his arms and holding him tight.

“Alexander. Don’t scare me like that!”

“Shit Laf. What’s the matter with you?” Alex twisted free of Lafayette’s tight grasp, and caught his face between both hands.

John watched from the bed, still sleep warm, as Lafayette dropped his forehead to Alex’s, something fiercely intense passing between them, some shared moment, mirrored trauma that John wasn’t a part of. Watched Lafayette whisper something, voice low. Watched Alex respond, blanket a puddle around his feet now, goosebumps rising on his bare skin.

Watched them kiss, soft and tender like the whole world was about to blow away on a puff of air.

Watched them turn back to the bed, back to him, back to the present, and climb back into bed, Alex in the middle.

“All good?” John asked, tugging the blankets back up, and cuddling close to Alex’s body.

Two ‘all goods’ back, and John reached over Alex to twine his hand with Lafayette’s. Kissed Alex on the cheek, and let sleep drag him back down.


	15. Peach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was another little moment I really wanted to work into "There's A Storm You're Starting Now" with John/Alex, and I just couldn't quite make it fit, so have it here, with Laf instead of John. 
> 
> Also, this one-shot was the source of possibly my favourite autocorrect of all time:
> 
> https://78.media.tumblr.com/c2a7c36bf2a3d155db3aeb167692eb3a/tumblr_ox3zrhCcVl1qkp9qgo1_540.png
> 
> NSFW. Kinda. Thanks autocorrect.
> 
> This chapter is definitely NSFW ;)

"Hey, hey Starlight, wake up," Lafayette's voice gently coaxed Alex up out of sleep. The mid afternoon sun on the bed in the spare room that was 'his' had enticed him down for a nap earlier.

He stretched now, yawning, and rolled over to bury his face in Lafayette's leg, sleep warmed and soft and lazy.

This easy vulnerability still felt so new, so fragile, and it took Alex's breath away.

He looped an arm around Lafayette's leg, held him tight, mumbled something in an incoherent blend of two languages.

"I brought you something, sweetheart," Lafayette's hand stroked through Alex's hair gently.

"Mmm? You did?" Alex twisted, looked up at Lafayette, who held something cupped in his free hand. "What is it?"

"Sit up Starlight," Lafayette coaxed.

Alex huffed, but pushed himself up until he was leaning back on his hands, legs splayed out haphazardly.

"I found this in the market square today, it was the last one, and perfectly ripe, and I know how you love them..." Lafayette lifted his hand, had a perfectly ripe peach cradled in his palm.

Alex's mouth watered at just the sight of its soft skin, warm orange and blush red, fat weight in Lafayette's hand.

"Would you like to save it, or would you like it now?" Lafayette asked, watching Alex with something unreadable in his eyes, every tiny gesture trying to make up for one momentous mistake.

"Now," Alex said, voice hushed, not entirely certain they were just discussing a peach anymore.

Lafayette grinned and rose to his knees. Shuffled between Alex's spread legs and reached out with the peach.

Alex moved to take it, and Lafayette gripped his wrist, fingers circling the delicate bones.

"No," he said, soft, firm.

Alex's breath caught in his throat and he let Lafayette push his hand back down to the bedspread.

Lafayette held the peach to Alex's lips, and Alex's eyes met Lafayette's as he bit into the plump fruit, juice spilling down his chin. The flesh was sweet, bursting with flavour, that alone enough to make Alex moan with pleasure.

The way Lafayette was looking at him, though...

His chest felt tight, cock stirring in his breeches.

"How is it, my love?" Lafayette asked, voice low.

Alex swallowed. Licked the bitten flesh of the peach.

"Perfect," he replied.

Lafayette hummed with pleasure, and pushed the peach to Alex's mouth again, watched as he took another bite.

Alex let his eyes close, savoured the bright sweetness of the fruit, ate every bite almost delicately, licking and sucking at the wet flesh as Lafayette fed it to him, long fingers dripping with juice.

Finally, Alex sucked the last of the flesh from the pit, and Lafayette took his hand away. Dropped the pit into a handkerchief and set it aside.

Brought his hand back to Alex's mouth, fingers sticky and coated with juice.

Alex locked eyes with Lafayette, stroked his tongue over Lafayette's fingers, licked at his skin, mixture of salt and sweet peach juice.

He sucked Lafayette's finger into his mouth, swirled his tongue over the tip before hollowing his cheeks and taking it all the way into his mouth.

Carefully, Lafayette pressed a second fingertip to Alex's lips, pressed it into his mouth.

Alex moaned softly, sucked the second finger in too, let his eyes flutter closed as he sucked every last bit of juice from Lafayette's skin.

"Oh Alexander..." Lafayette breathed. Pressed a third finger into Alex's mouth and pulled down, pulled his mouth open. Fitted the fourth finger inside too.

Mouth full, Alex hummed softly with pleasure, and sucked at Lafayette's fingers, dragging every last swipe of peach juice from his skin.

Lafayette pulled his hand back slow, swallowed visibly when Alex swiped his tongue over the tips of his retreating fingers.

Then Lafayette leaned in. Traced his tongue up Alex's neck and chin, licking the peach juice from his skin. Kissed him, slow and deep, tongue stroking into Alex's mouth.

Alex whined and arched up, lifted one hand to the back of Lafayette's neck and kissed him deeper.

Lafayette shifted, brought one hand between them to cup Alex's cock through his breeches and rub lightly, until Alex was moaning into his mouth, cock aching for a proper touch.

"Laf, Laf," Alex pulled back, panting.

Lafayette looked down at him. Pressed harder with his hand and found the head of Alex's cock with his thumb.

"Can I lick you, Alexander? Lick you until you are wide open and begging for my cock?" Lafayette murmured, eyes locked with Alex's.

Alex's cock twitched against Lafayette's hand and he nodded.

"Yes," he whispered, fingers digging into the blanket.

Lafayette took the hem of Alex's shirt in his fingers, tugged it up and over his head. Then, he shimmied down Alex's body, tugged his breeches and underwear from his legs and cast them aside. Paused a moment and just looked at Alex.

"Are you sure you're real, Starlight?" He asked, little breathless, heavy emotion in his voice.

"Positive," Alex breathed back, naked and wanting and oh so happy.

Lafayette stretched out between Alex's legs, kissed up the inside of Alex's thigh, nudged his legs wider with his nose.

"I am so lucky," he whispered. Kissed Alex's other thigh, and stroked his tongue up over his hole.

Alex jerked, soft gasp leaving his lips. He slumped down onto the bed, head arched back as Lafayette's tongue lapped at his sensitive rim.

"Fuck, Laf, feels so good," he painted, Lafayette's delicate licks and swirls making Alex's cock drip on his stomach.

He dug his fingers into the blankets, tried to to squirm as Lafayette licked and sucked him until he could wriggle his tongue inside, then fucked him with it, pumping in and out until Alex was tossing his head back and forth, loud moans of pleasure escaping his lips.

Lafayette pressed one oiled finger to Alex's rim along side his tongue, slid it in, curled it, stroking and searching until he landed a stroke just so and Alex jerked, crying out as pleasure bloomed inside him.

"Shit, right there!" He gasped, rocking down against Lafayette's mouth and hand.

Lafayette groaned in response, pumped his finger in and out, brushing over that sweet spot every time.

He slid a second finger in, stroked and stretched, tongue lapping at his rim.

"Laf, ah, fuck me, I'm ready," Alex panted, pleasure coiled in his belly.

Lafayette pulled his fingers out with a soft pop, licked over Alex's hole with the flat of his tongue, and sat up.

He stripped off his shirt and unlaced his breeches, pushing them down to free his cock.

"Alexander, my love, my Starlight," he whispered, leaning down for a kiss as he slicked oil up his cock and positioned himself.

Alex kissed him back. Wrapped his arms around Lafayette's neck and his legs around his waist.

Moaned loud at the stretch of Lafayette's cock pushing inside him, slow inch by inch with gentle rocks of Lafayette's hips.

He arched his head back, panting, desperate for more by the time Lafayette was fully seated inside him.

"Fuck, you're so big, I'm so full, Laf, fuck me, wreck me, love your huge cock in my hole," Alex babbled, heels digging into Lafayette's back.

Lafayette took Alex's hands, pinned his wrists to the bed above his head and started to move, hips driving into Alex, fucking him deep and slow.

"Oh gods, oh baby, oh yeah," Alex panted. Squirmed against the restraint of Lafayette's hands, rocked his hips up into Lafayette's thrusts, chest tight with pleasure and emotion.

"Love you so much," Lafayette murmured, hips snapping against Alex, cock driving up into his prostate with every thrust.

He kissed Alex again, nipped at his lower lip, then pulled back to hitch Alex's hips higher, fingers digging in as he fucked him harder and faster.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, Laf!" Alex chanted, orgasm building inside him, pinned beneath Lafayette's body, his wrists held tight in Lafayette's hand. "Laf, gonna come baby, can I come?"

Lafayette groaned, thrust harder, his hips slapping against Alex's ass.

"You can come," he said, pushing Alex harder into the bed, mouth open, panting.

"Fuck, fuck, Laf!" Alex cried out as he jerked against Lafayette, streaking his stomach with come as he clenched around Lafayette's dick, vision going white with the strength of his orgasm.

He went boneless on the bed as Lafayette pulled out, watched with hungry eyes while Lafayette wrapped his hand around his own cock and pumped himself with quick, urgent strokes.

Came all over Alex's stomach with a punched out groan, head thrown back, mouth open.

Dropped back to his hands and knees above Alex, grinning, chest heaving.

"Love you," he whispered.

"Love you too," Alex grinned back, panting.

Lafayette leaned down for a quick kiss, then dug a second handkerchief from his pocket. Wiped Alex's belly clean, and dropped it over the side of the bed.

Alex stayed right where he was, sated, happy.

Lafayette stretched out against him, lay his head on Alex's chest and draped an arm protectively over him.

Alex worked his fingers into Lafayette's hair, scratched lazily as his scalp and let his eyes close, relaxing back into a half doze.


	16. You Don't Have To Say Anything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mushy Jeffmads anyone?

Love was a funny thing.

Thomas had never known, never expected, all the ways it would permeate his life. The little things, the day to day moments that had made his life suddenly rich beyond belief, beyond anything he could have dreamed of.

It lived in the way James sometimes met him at the palace at the end of the day and they walked home together, hand in hand, a quiet peace heavy on their shoulders like a blanket, warm and soft. A peace Thomas had never known before, a stilling of thoughts, a calming of the constant race between head and heart. James brought a quiet stillness and serenity to his life that Thomas couldn’t help but absorb and lean on.

It lived in the way James’s smile lit up when Thomas brought him back some small trinket from his day, something that had made him think about James, and smile.

It lived in the way they slept, not always curled tight together, but always touching somehow, a foot or hand here or there to keep close. A silent way to say ‘I’m not going anywhere’.

It lived in the way James arranged for the cooks to prepare Thomas’ favourite foods, noodles in rich, creamy, cheesy sauces, fresh white bread with butter, a saute of seasoned vegetables… airy chocolate mousse for dessert. The way he ate these things because Thomas loved them, not because he enjoyed it himself.

It lived in the way James let go with a sigh and just let his body rest when it needed to, gave in to Thomas’ nagging at him to take the break he needed. The way he would nap with his head in Thomas’ lap when he wasn’t feeling well, the way he would accept broth spoon fed from Thomas’ hand and not feel wounds to his pride because of it.

It lived in the way they egged each other on, pushed each other to be better, to work harder, to use their full potential.

It lived in the way James’ strong hands soothed Thomas’ anxiety, stroked away trembling fear that shook him more often than not, and sometimes ran right out of control.

It lived in the way they learned the language of each others’ bodies, how muscle and motion took on meaning. A sigh, a shift, a set of a jaw, all the subtle things that suddenly carried weight, a silent language they spoke, just between them.

It lived in the way Thomas’ heart felt fuller, and lighter, at the knowing that every day he got to come home to James. To warmth and love and security, his best friend at his side in a way he’d never dared to hope possible.

It lived in the thousand little ways they spoke of love without ever having to say anything at all.


	17. Touch Me With Your Cold Feet One More Time...

Alex wasn’t sure he would ever get used to the cold.

He was on the outside tonight, tucked against John, but it had grown colder overnight, and Alex had woken up shivering, the blankets half off him. Grumbling, he pulled them back over his shoulders, wriggled over to press tight against John’s back. He tucked his feet beneath John’s calf.

John mumbled something, and pulled his leg away.

Alex huffed, and stuck his feet back under John’s leg.

John pulled his leg away.

Alex stuck his feet back under.

“Touch me with your cold feet one more time and I swear…” John grumbled, rolling over and batting at Alex sleepily.

“I’m cold!” Alex whined, and shoved his cold nose under John’s chin instead.

“Babygirl you’re freezing!” John wrapped his arms around Alex, tugged him close.

Alex stuffed his feet under John’s leg again.

“Alex!” John protested, even as he pulled Alex closer, tugged the blankets tight around him.

“John!” Alex whined back, pressing close, nuzzling under John’s chin.

“Would you both shut up?” Lafayette grumbled from John’s other side.

“Alex is cold, Laf,” John huffed.

“Well bring him over here then, let’s warm him up,” Lafayette’s voice was thick with sleep.

John lifted the blankets and shifted onto his back so Alex could climb carefully over him.

Alex settled in the middle gratefully, cocooned by the blanket and the warmth of Lafayette and John’s bodies.

Stuck his feet under Lafayette’s calf.

“Hey! Your feet are cold!” Lafayette yelped.

John and Alex dissolved into giggles, and Lafayette pulled Alex close.

John crowded in on Alex’s other side, kissed the side of his head.

“I think I know a way to warm you up…” Lafayette murmured, voice low, heated.

Alex shivered, and tilted his head up for a lingering kiss.

“Show me?”


	18. Good Girl

Alex was so focussed on his writing he didn't hear the door open behind him. Didn't hear anyone walk in. Didn't know he wasn't alone until John's hand wrapped around his ponytail and gently pulled his head back, until Alex was looking up at John, his head against John's stomach.

"Hi baby girl," John said, little smile on his face. He cupped Alex's face, stroked his cheek. "You've been working all day, you should take a break."

"Hi John," Alex smiled back, soft, relaxed. "I'm good, I want to get this done. I don't need a break." He knew he tended to push himself too hard, work too much, get caught up in an idea and run with it until he finished, or crashed.

"Hmmm, but I need you to take a break," John murmured, voice low, laced with heat.

"What for?" Alex asked. Set down his quill anyways and pushed the parchment away.

Instead of answering, John stepped back, guided Alex up out of his chair, then pushed him gently to his knees on the rug.

"Want you to suck my cock, baby girl," John breathed, hand on Alex's head.

Alex swallowed hard. Nodded. Yeah, he could take a break for that.

John undid his breeches, pulled his hard cock free.

"Want you to take the rest of the day off too baby girl, spend some time with me. I'm bored," John spoke as he stroked his hand down Alex's head, gripped his ponytail and guided Alex's head forwards until his cock pressed against his lips.

Alex opened his mouth, stroked his tongue over the head of John's cock, tasted precome, moaned soft in the back of his throat.

John groaned, pushed his hips forwards, cock sliding along Alex's tongue.

"That's it baby girl, suck my cock, wanna come down your throat," John tugged at Alex's ponytail, rocked his hips a little.

Alex groaned at John’s words, hollowed his cheeks and sucked, one hand on John’s thigh, fingers spread wide.

“Such a good girl, that’s it, gonna fuck your mouth now, can you take it?” John tightened his fingers in Alex’s hair.

Alex tapped twice on John’s thigh, looked up at John with wide eyes, moaned softly.

“Shit, don’t look at me like that baby, like you’re so innocent while you’ve got your mouth stuffed full of my cock, I know you’re not,” John panted, lopsided grin.

Alex pulled back, sucked the tip of John’s cock, flickered his tongue over the sensitive head.

John groaned and rocked his hips, pushed back into John’s mouth, started to pump his cock slowly in and out, slick sounds loud in Alex’s ears.

“Fuck, your mouth feels so good baby,” John tugged at Alex’s hair, fucked his mouth harder.

Alex dig his fingers into John’s thigh, watched John’s head tilt back, his mouth drop open.

“Gonna come baby girl, wanna see your mouth full of it, after. Don’t swallow, be good for me, oh, fuck-“ John’s words cut off with a deep groan as he came, pumping Alex’s mouth full of come, his hips stuttering and stilling.

Alex hugged through his nose, breeches uncomfortably tight over his hard cock, mouth full of John’s come.

John pulled out of Alex’s mouth, fixed his breeches, and looked down at Alex.

“Show me,” he said, firm, quiet.

Alex opened his mouth.

“Good,” John smiled, stroked a hand over Alex’s head. “You can swallow now.”

Alex closed his mouth, swallowed. Stayed on his knees and looked up at John, resisted the urge to touch himself while he waited.

“Come on baby girl. Wanna take you to bed. Lick you until you scream, make you come, then fuck you until you come again,” John reached down, held out his hand.

“Fuck yeah,” Alex grinned, took John’s hand and let him help him up, work forgotten.


	19. Promise Me You'll Take Better Care Of Yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some good old fashioned Jeffmads sickfic

James knew he shouldn’t stay up late and rise early too often. He knew he needed to be careful how hard he pushed his body. He knew it. He did.

But things were hectic at the palace right now, and he had so much to do, and he could get it done. He could. So he stayed, and he pushed, and he worked hard, and he ignored the way Thomas shot him worried glances when he thought no one was looking, the way he kept popping by James’ office, saying he was just saying hi, but hovering, really, anxiety humming through the long lines of his lean body, invisible to probably everyone but James, and perhaps Lafayette.

It should have come as no surprise then, that he woke up feeling ill after several days of this.

It should have come as no surprise that his head pounded and he felt faint, had to pause on the way in in the morning to rest.

It should have come as no surprise that he barely made it through the door that night before collapsing, shaking and weak, so dizzy he couldn’t see.

“James!” Thomas was there, steadying his shoulders, helping him up to sit with his back against the wall.

James closed his eyes, tried to breathe, hated this, hated every minute of it. Hated feeling weak, hated feeling out of control. Especially hated Thomas seeing him like this. Thomas, who he was supposed to be steady and strong for, who depended upon him to be dependable.

Not to be fucking useless collapsed on the floor.

“James, oh fuck, you need to go to bed, come on, you need to rest,” Thomas was tugging at his clothes, trying to get him up, buzzing around him like a bee.

James batted at his hands, shoved him out of the way a little rougher than he meant to, hated being fussed over, didn’t want to be coddled, was so sick of his body giving out on him like this.

Thomas backed off, hovered nervously while James pulled himself to his feet, the room blacking and spinning. Gods he should have known better.

Thomas reached for him, and James let him slide an arm around his waist, leaned against Thomas and let him guide him down the hall to the bedroom, let him help him sit down.

“What do you need Jemmy?” Thomas’ voice, soft, sweet.

James lay on his side, blessed relief at just lying down, cool sheets on his cheek.

“Just stay with me,” he mumbled.

Thomas climbed onto the bed and lay down on his back, pillows under his head and shoulders.

James rolled over, stretched out against Thomas’ side and lay his head on Thomas’ chest. Closed his eyes. Waited for the room to stop spinning. Relaxed into the solid warmth of Thomas’ body, the sound of his heart beat beneath him, rhythmic, soothing feeling of his chest rising and falling as he breathed.

Thomas’ hand rubbed up and down his arm, slow and gentle.

“Promise me you’ll take better care of yourself?” Thomas asked, voice low.

James groaned, huffed a sigh. Was so glad he truly had Thomas now, could rest against him like this and not feel torn up with desire and confusion and the shaking need to keep it behind closed teeth. Could just relax and let Thomas hold him, let Thomas love him.

“I’ll try,” he replied, and let himself drift, let his body drag him down to rest.


	20. Can I Kiss You?

Life began to smooth out.

Winter fell in earnest, and Alex fell into a routine with Lafayette and John. Fell into a rhythm. Fell into a life.

There were still days when their history bubbled up to haunt them. Hard days, tense days.

Today was a hard day.

Lafayette was already awake when Alex and John got up, standing by the double doors and looking out, arms wrapped around his chest, body tight and tense. When he turned around, he looked at Alex like _that_.

That look that Alex hadn’t seen on his face in ages now, had hoped never to see again. Like Alex was a ghost, like Alex was glass.

It went downhill from there. Lafayette hovered, and he fussed, and John made himself scarce because this was between Lafayette and Alex, painful history that they had to untangle together, and Alex tried to be patient and he tried to understand but his skin crawled when Lafayette looked at him like that, and he found it hard to breathe, and when Lafayette tried to coddle him, cuddle him, keep him close and cossetted, he couldn’t help but flinch away, duck out of Lafayette’s arms.

By early afternoon he was ready to scream.

He looked up from his book to Lafayette staring at him again, that horrible, haunted look in his eyes, and he shut his book with a snap.

Lafayette jumped, the sound startling him.

“Laf. Stop it,” Alex snapped. He stood up and crossed the room to Lafayette’s chair, straddled his lap and sat down.

Lafayette brought his hands to Alex’s hips, so soft, so gentle, and Alex wanted to hit him, thought they were over this, knew deep down it wasn’t nearly so simple.

“I’m not made of glass! Come on Laf, we’re here and now and I’m alive and I’m fine, see?” Alex grabbed Lafayette’s hand and shoved it up under his shirt, over his heartbeat. Very much alive.

Lafayette swallowed hard, closed his eyes.

“I know. I know. I’m sorry. I just… I have those dreams still, and I can’t help it, I’m so amazed you’re here, I’m so thankful to have you, it seems like a dream too good to be true. How can you possibly be real?” Lafayette spoke, voice low, laced with something desperate and a little broken.

“But I am. I am real. I’m here. I’m alive. It’s not a dream Laf it’s real life,” Alex replied, tried to keep his voice calm, tried not to be annoyed, knew how hard it was to move on from moments like that, knew that even though he was fine, that didn’t mean Lafayette was.

“I’m just so scared sometimes that I’ll wake up and find it was a dream,” Lafayette whispered.

“Hey, hey, you won’t,” Alex whispered back, reached up and cupped Lafayette’s face in his hands. “I’m very much alive and here I promise. Just… I’m not gonna break, I’m not some wounded thing that you need to watch like that, I promise. I won’t blow away on a puff of smoke.”

“Oh Starlight, oh Starlight I know. I know and I’m sorry, I just can’t help it sometimes.” Lafayette closed his eyes, took a steadying breath.

“I know, it’s okay Laf, I know, I just can’t help but hate it a little, because it makes me feel like I’m hurting you, it makes me feel like something damaged, like you’re seeing a memory of me instead of me for real,” Alex stroked his thumbs over Lafayette’s cheeks, leaned in so their foreheads pressed together. “I know it’s hard though, I know it’s not as easy as just knowing it’s alright.”

Lafayette sighed, brought one hand up to cup Alex’s cheek, leaned in.

“Can I kiss you, Laf?” Alex asked. Felt bad for getting snappy with him, felt bad for feeling smothered when Lafayette looked at him that way.

“Please,” Lafayette whispered back.

Alex leaned in, kissed Lafayette long and slow. Real. Here.


	21. Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex sees snow for the first time.
> 
> This might be my personal favourite in this collection :)

Alex often rose first in the morning, uncurled from Lafayette and John and tried to climb quietly out from the tangle of limbs without waking anyone.

This morning, he was shivering before he even peeled Lafayette’s arms from around his waist, nose cold, something crisp and fresh and new in the air. He tugged the throw blanket from the foot of the bed and pulled it tight around himself, blinking sleepily in the early morning light. The air smelled different this morning, the light a little different as it filtered through the sheer drapes.

Yawning, Alex padded quietly to the double doors that led to the balcony and pushed back the curtains.

Felt his jaw drop in shock.

Had to blink and shake his head, and look again.

Overnight, something had happened to the world.

Everything was covered in a layer of white, and it was falling from the gray sky in fat flakes, lazily burying everything.

“What… the… fuck.” Alex breathed, frozen, mesmerized.

He tugged the blanket tighter around his body, staring in rapt shock out the window. Just watched for a long moment as it fell and fell and fell, like rain, only… not.

“John? Laf?” He called, voice tight and unsure.

He heard them stir behind him, and then John’s arms slid around his waist, John’s chin dropped onto his shoulder.

“Morning baby girl. What’s up? Oh, snow!” John chirped, sleepy and gleeful.

“What… what is _happening_?” Alex gestured vaguely out the window, and leaned back into the warmth of John’s embrace, comforted by the face that John didn’t seem the least bit concerned.

“Have you never seen snow before, Alexander?” Lafayette dropped a kiss to the top of Alex’s head, and then John’s, and yawned.

“Snow? Uh… no. What the fuck.” Alex breathed, tearing his gaze from the door to look at Laf and John. Took in their sleepy smiles, the amusement in both of their faces as they watched him, then looked back out through the glass. “What _is_ it?”

Lafayette laughed at the sheer bewilderment on Alex’s face.

“It got colder over night baby girl, and the rain turns into snow when it gets really cold.” John explained. “Here, see,” he let Alex go and put his hand on the door handle-

“No, wait, don’t-“ Alex protested, eyes wide-

-and opened the door.

Alex watched with his mouth wide open in surprise as John trotted out onto the balcony on his tip toes, totally naked, into the snow. He left melty footprints behind him, and was promptly dusted in a fine layer of white.

Lafayette pulled Alex into a tight hug from behind, rubbed his hands up and down Alex’s arms to warm him.

“It’s alright Alex. It’s just cold,” Lafayette soothed.

John bent down and scooped up a handful of snow, trotted back inside and kicked the door shut with his heel. Grinning brightly, he held out his hands towards Alex, covered in snow and goosebumps.

Hesitantly, Alex reached out, touched the tips of his fingers to the snow. Jerked back. It was cold, and not as wet as he’d expected. Ignoring Lafayette and John’s laughter, he reached out again and stuck his fingers into it. Scooped some out of John’s cupped hands and held it in his own. Watched it melt, chilling his fingers as it turned slowly back into water.

He looked back up and met John’s eyes.

“What the fuck…”

Lafayette buried his face in Alex’s shoulder, whole body shaking with laughter.

John opened the door and tossed the remainder of his handful of snow outside, then shook himself like a dog and sent a shower of melting snowflakes spiraling to the floor.

“Come on Alex, lets go eat breakfast and then we can go outside!” John was beaming like it was the best day of his life.

Alex stared at him like he had two heads.

“You want… to go outside… in that?”

Against his shoulder, Lafayette howled with laughter. Alex swatted him lightly.

“Yeah! It’ll be fun, the market will have warm spiced chestnuts, and hot cider or cocoa, and they might have the sleighs out at the palace and we can go for a ride! It’s your first snow we have to go outside!” John bounced on the balls of his feet like a little kid, all lit up with excitement.

“Okay, if you say so.” Alex was still skeptical, but John’s enthusiasm was catching, and he couldn’t help but grin back at him.

“Just think,” Lafayette straightened, still laughing a bit, and snuck his hand inside Alex’s blanket to stroke up his stomach. “When we’ve had our fun out in the cold and the snow, how nice it will be to come back inside and warm each other up.”

Well. That was something Alex could get behind.


	22. Wait Out The Storm

It had seemed like a perfect day to go out to the Laurens country estate.

It had seemed like a perfect day to walk the winding path to the back of the property and wind down the old stairs to the beach.

It had seemed like a perfect day to wander aimlessly down the shore, not paying attention to the weather, the time, how far they’d gone.

The sun had been out, clouds in the sky but far away, seas calm. The rocky beach stretched for miles and miles, would eventually wind its way right to the harbour, or, Alex supposed, all the way to Va’an if they went the other way and walked for months and months and months, the rocks eventually giving way to white sands somewhere along the way.

It was warm enough to play in the water, running in and out, splashing and shouting with John while Lafayette walked serenely along, a safe distance from the water. Tiny crabs scuttled along the rocks, hiding from the commotion. Gulls soared over head, complaining noisily.

They were so caught up in their fun that they didn’t notice the clouds roll in, didn’t notice the change of light or the way the wind started to pick up and the gulls fled for cover. Didn’t notice the darkening sky.

Didn’t notice the way Alex’s heart started to kick up, until he stopped suddenly, knee deep in an ocean that had turned grey and dark, the hairs on the back of his neck standing straight up.

Storm coming.

The first drops of rain started, and Alex looked around wildly, knew they were far to far to make it back to John’s family home before the storm really hit, the last clear patches of sky already filling in with dark clouds, wind picking up even as he stood there, whipping through his hair. The ocean turned mocking, sharp waves crashing against his thighs, growing larger with the wind, sharper edged.

“Alex!” John hollered over the wind, splashed back out to him and took hold of his arm. “We need to find a place to wait out the storm. We’re not going to make it back in time, but there’s a little cave not far, come on!” He tugged at Alex’s arm, coaxed him out of the water, waves slapping tauntingly against the backs of their thighs as they retreated.

“John…” Alex breathed, reached up for that hand on his arm and gripped it tight like a lifeline, already starting to tremble, fear settling into his stomach as the beach turned wild and hostile.

“It’s okay baby girl, you’re safe, Laf and I are here, let’s get to shelter,” John coached quietly voice right next to Alex’s ear, guiding him out of the water and up the beach to where Lafayette waited.

A streak of lightning lit up the sky.

Alex choked back a whimper, and Lafayette crowded in close on his other side, took his hand and gave it a tight squeeze.

“It’s alright Starlight, come on, let’s go,” he spoke low and reassuring, beach bag held close under his other arm.

Alex closed his eyes for a minute, swallowed hard. Didn’t want to move, just wanted to curl up right there, hide his head. Choked back another whimper as a crack of thunder shook the earth.

John swore under his breath, and tugged at Alex’s hand, led them up the beach.

By the time they reached the small opening in the rock, it was raining hard, lightning lighting up the sky. The crevice was small, and dark.

Alex balked. Shook his head.

The wind yanked at him, rain soaking through his breeches. Lafayette and John close on either side were the only things keeping him even somewhat centered.

“Come on Alex, I promise it’s bigger inside, I know it’s dark, but it’s safe in there, I promise,” John stepped towards the cave, tugged Alex’s hand, slid his body into the crack. “There’s lots of room, see? Even Laf will fit.”

John slid further into the crack, and Alex let go of his fingers, turned and pressed his face into Lafayette’s chest, shaking like a leaf.

Lafayette’s strong arms wrapped around him. Held him close and tight and warm. He pressed a kiss to Alex’s temple, and Alex whimpered.

“Easy Alexander, it’s alright. John went all the way in and came back out now. Let’s go, he will hold your hand and so will I, and if it is too tight once we’re inside, we’ll come back out,” Lafayette gently pushed Alex towards the crevice as he spoke, and Alex shook and shook and pressed tight against Lafayette, fear of the storm warring with his fear of tight, dark places, both so intertwined he couldn’t begin to sort them out.

“Come on babygirl, I’ve got you.” John’s hand found Alex’s, pried it from Lafayette’s body.

Slowly, carefully, Lafayette and John coaxed Alex through the short, narrow crevice and into the cave inside. It was open on the inside, the air clean. It wasn’t as dark as it had appeared from the outside, either.

A crack of lightning lit the inside of the cave. Revealed a sandy floor, smooth sides.

John sat down, pulled Alex with him into the soft sand.

Alex folded into John’s arms, and Lafayette dropped to the ground next to them, pulled a dry towel from the beach bag and wrapped it around Alex’s shoulders, rubbed him gently, kissed the back of his head. He draped another towel around John’s shoulders, and cuddled in close, broad chest against Alex’s back.

Another streak of lightning lit the sky, and the rumble of thunder that followed was defeaning, and seemed to go on forever.

When it stopped, Alex began to cry. Struggled desperately to stay in the here and now, buried his face in John’s neck and tried to breathe, tried not to whimper.

“Alex, Alex, stay here. You’re with me, with John. You’re safe, the storm will be over soon and we will walk back. You’re on the coast of Lindel, you’re safe and not alone, we’re not going to leave you…”

Lafayette’s voice seemed to come from so very far away, low and gentle cadence against the wild raging of the storm outside.

As Lafayette spoke, John held Alex tight, kissed his forehead, soft puff of warm breath in his wet hair, strong beat of his heart against Alex’s chest.

Alex shook, and his tears soaked into John’s skin, and it was hard to breathe, but not impossible. John’s touch, Lafayette’s words, they kept him grounded, kept an anchor in reality that Alex could cling to with the tips of his shaking fingers and hold on tight.

It felt like forever to Alex, trembling and shaking and fighting to stay here, stay present, not fall under the tidal wave of memory, back to being a child, being alone, fighting desperately to stay alive and very nearly failing, the hurricane ripping from him everything that he loved.

But as all things do, the storm ended. Slowed, subsided, gave way to calm skies and let the sun begin to peak through once again.

They stayed where they were until Alex’s shaking subsided, then Lafayette carefully peeled back from him, brushed a hand over his head.

“I think it is clear outside. I’ll check,” he spoke softly, and stood up. Disappeared through the crevice, and reappeared a moment later. “It’s clear.”

Alex shifted with a gentle nudge from John, got to his feet and slid through the crevice with one hand in each of his lovers’ hands. Out into a world shining wet and brand new, sunlight streaming through clouds.


	23. Are You Drunk?

The dinner party Thomas was attending had run later than anticipated, and the wine had flowed freely, his glass refilled as soon as it was empty.

By the time Thomas left, he could barely see straight. His carriage waited at the bottom of the sweeping drive, and Thomas stumbled towards it, world spinning around him, everything shimmery through a haze of too many glasses of wine. Lanterns lit the driveway, reflecting off the wet cobblestones, air fresh with the lingering scent of earlier rain.

The evening had been a success, connections made, alliances strengthened, appearances bolstered. He felt good, happy, anxiety buried beneath the heavy weight of the wine.

He stumbled into the carriage, let the driver get him home in plush comfort, velvet seats soft beneath him, curtains drawn, soft lantern light inside.

It wasn’t far, just a quick ride and the driver was opening the door, helping him out of the carriage, and bowing respectfully as if Thomas was walking regally up the steps, not stumbling and faltering.

He made it through the door and crashed into the wall. Stifled a giggle, and kicked the door shut behind him.

Toed his shoes off and padded down the hall in search of James.

James was in bed, still up, sitting against the headboard with a book in his lap. Waiting up for Thomas, just like he always did. One of the many quiet ways James made Thomas' heart skip a little beat, made him realize just how loved he really was. 

Thomas stumbled and pitched forwards, sprawled across James’ lap.

“Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaames!” he trilled, wriggled around until his face was in James’ lap, nuzzled him happily.

“Thomas, Thomas! Hey!” James batted at Thomas, pushed him until he rolled onto his back.

“Hi,” Thomas chirped, happy. James’s face blurred and spun above him.

“…are you drunk?” James asked, deadpan.

“I love you,” Thomas answered, reaching up, wanted to touch James’ face gently, and smacked him with his palm instead.

James sighed, took Thomas’ wrist and moved his hand away.

“You are drunk,” He said flatly.

“I love you,” Thomas said again. Turned his head and nosed at James’ stomach.

James stroked a hand over Thomas’ head, smiling despite his exasperated tone.

“You’re something else, Thomas.”

“I love you,” Thomas said again, whining this time, little needy, little desperate, needed to hear it back, and would repeat it as many times as it took to get James to say it.

“I love you too,” James replied with a sigh, his tone softening.

Thomas hummed happily, and dropped off to sleep with his face against James' stomach, still fully dressed.


	24. I Picked These For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm too lazy to add it to the tags so consider this a tag for this chapter only: Seasonal Affective Disorder / SAD

Winter was difficult for Alex.

He wasn’t used to the cold and the darkness and the snow, and spent as much time as possible curled up in throw blankets near the fireplace, hot drink at hand, his nose in a book. He didn’t share John’s childlike love of snow, and he didn’t share Lafayette’s ability to smile off just about anything.

So he moped, and he tried not to mope too loudly because he didn’t want to force his dark mood on Lafayette and John, but he knew they noticed anyways, knew they worried, and tried their best to cheer him up with cuddles and kisses and things, but they didn’t quite understand why a blanket of hopelessness seemed to have settled over Alex’s shoulders as a blanket of snow settled over the city.

“It’s just so _gray_!” Alex wailed one evening when John pushed and pushed and pushed for reasons behind why Alex felt so tired, so despondent. “I feel like I’ll never be warm again!”

John had backed down. Plied him with a warm mince tart from the kitchen and an evening in bed, curled beneath the covers.

Alex heard him quietly ask Clara to have the fires kept stoked a little higher from now on, later, when he thought Alex was asleep.

It helped a little, but Alex missed the sun. He missed colour. He missed the sound of the ocean and the breeze, and he missed working in his office with all of the windows open wide to let in the breeze.

-

One such evening, Alex gave up on working and holed up in the upstairs sitting room, blanket around his shoulders, staring out at the gray sky. He knew it wasn’t going to last forever, that spring would come and the weather would turn nicer, and he could admit that the snow looked pretty when it was falling…

But it was cold. And gray. And dark.

“Alexander?” Lafayette stepped into the sitting room, hands behind his back.

Alex looked up, tilted his head to the side and watched Lafayette approach.

“Hi Laf,” he said quietly. Mustered up a little smile for his lover.

Lafayette stopped beside the couch and looked down at Alex, sad expression on his handsome face.

“I am sorry winter is so hard for you my love. I promise the weather will get nice again in a month or two. I wish there was more I could do to cheer you up… but I went to the palace greenhouses today, and I picked these for you…” Lafayette pulled his hands from behind his back and held out the lush bouquet of flowers to Alex.

Alex took them, drank in the colours, the rich floral scents. Reds and blues and yellows and pinks, the bright green of their leaves. Wanted to cry, and buried his nose in them to hide it, inhaling deeply.

“Thank you, Lafayette, they’re beautiful.” Alex looked up at Lafayette again, truly smiling this time, and Lafayette sat next to him on the couch, pulled him close.

“I had Clara put a vase in your office, you can put them there so you have some colour to look at while you work. Tomorrow, I would like to take you to the greenhouses with me. We are free to walk around in them, if you would like?” Lafayette brushed his fingers across Alex’s cheek, leaned in and kissed him softly. “John and I, we will do a better job of helping you find things you can enjoy while the weather is cold and dark. I’m sorry that we didn’t realize sooner, that we didn’t understand that winter can make a person so sad, especially if you are unused to it. I’m sorry Starlight.” Lafayette took Alex’s free hand, squeezed it gently.

Alex shook his head, curled in close against Lafayette and brought the flowers to his nose again.

“It’s alright, Laf. I didn’t know either. I’d love to go with you to see the greenhouses tomorrow, thank you,” he was struck again by just how lucky he was, how incredible his life had become. Made a silent vow to try harder himself to find ways to remain cheerful even with the weather so gray.

Lafayette kissed the side of Alex’s head, hugged him gently.

“I heard a rumor, as well, that there is a shipment of fruit coming in from Va’an in the next few days. I will pull some strings, and see if I can spirit away a few pieces for you. What do you think of that?” Lafayette nuzzled against Alex’s head, and Alex laughed and smiled, turned his head for a kiss.

“I love you,” he whispered.


	25. Again?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SMUT

John had woken needy, and stayed that way. 

Before they'd even gotten out of bed, he'd crawled between Alex and Lafayette, rutted against Alex's leg and squirmed until they woke up. Pinned him down and fucked him, Alex in his ass and Lafayette in his mouth, half asleep and messy, warm, perfect. 

After breakfast, he'd coaxed Alex to his knees right in the kitchen on the tile floor, yanked at Alex's hair while Alex sucked his cock until he was coming down Alex's throat with a cry. 

Lafayette had watched from a perch on the counter, and when John finished, he turned him, bent him over the counter, hissed in his ear for him not to tell Clara, and fucked him hard and fast right there until he came again, shame heating his cheeks at the thought of anyone knowing, come spilling down the front of the cabinet. 

After lunch he'd sucked Alex's cock in the stables after riding, still burning with a deep, deep need to touch and be touched and spend all day in a haze of pleasure. Needed Alex and Lafayette, needed them close, needed them on him, in him, around him. Needed it so damn bad. 

They'd returned to the bedroom after that, another round of orgasms and then Lafayette and Alex had dropped off to sleep, bodies stretched out across the bed, John in between. 

He tried to sleep, he really did. Found he couldn't, still felt keyed up, felt needy, felt like there was a big empty space inside of him that needed to be filled. 

The only other way he knew how was with liquor, and he was trying so hard not to go there, so hard not to want it, not to need it. 

This was better. This made them all feel good, it didn't come with deep seated guilt and a hangover, didn't come with bruised ribs and black eyes. 

Still. 

He needed so god damn much. 

Felt a little worn out, felt a little sore, a little used, so good because of it. Loved that when he stretched and shifted he could feel the faint echoes of the day, of all the ways they'd brought each other to orgasm today.

Still needed more. 

He shifted between them, impatient. Didn't want to wake them up, but was growing hard again and didn't want his own hand when both of his lovers were right here on either side of him, Alex snoring softly, Lafayette splayed out on his stomach. 

He rolled over and nudged into Lafayette, hooked a leg over him and rocked his hips. Choked back a soft moan.

He kissed Lafayette's shoulder, nuzzled against him, scritched his nails down his back, trying to wake him softly, gently. The dry friction of his cock against the back of Lafayette's thigh was too much, didn't quite feel good but still offered a little relief. 

He whined. Nudged his nose against Lafayette's shoulder blade. Opened his mouth and bit him gently. 

"John Laurens you are not biting me right now," Lafayette mumbled, voice thick with sleep. 

John froze, Lafayette's skin held gently in his teeth. 

Then, couldn't bear it anymore. Whined low in his throat and rutted his hips again. 

"...are you going to tell me what you want, or would you like to continue humping my leg until you come?" Lafayette asked, a little more awake. 

"Lafayette. Please. I need to come," John whined, letting go of Lafayette's skin. He rolled off him, didn't want to come from rutting against Lafayette's leg, wanted his lover, wanted him closer, wanted him touching him. 

"Again?" Lafayette rolled onto his side, gathered John close. "What has gotten into you today, my love?" he kissed John's nose, stroked a hand down his back and squeezed his ass. 

"Dunno," John whined. Squirmed in Lafayette's grasp. "Just... need you. Need your hand, please."

Lafayette let him go, stroked down his thigh and hitched John's leg up over his hip. 

"Alright little one. I've got you," Lafayette kissed John with a low moan, curled his hand around his cock and started to stroke him. 

Trapped in this position, leg high on Lafayette's hip, John groaned loudly into the kiss, already rock hard, already close, knew he wouldn't last long after coming so many times that day, and didn't care one bit. 

Lafayette stroked him slow and tight, licked into his mouth with possessive strokes of his tongue. He dragged his thumb back and forth over the head of John's cock, slicked precome down his hard length. 

John yelped into Lafayette's mouth when Alex's tongue stroked down his exposed crack, seemingly out of nowhere. He hadn't heard him move, hadn't known he was awake, and now he was lapping at his rim, tongue flickering delicately, soft moan of pleasure right against John's sensitive skin. 

Lafayette's hand tightened on John's cock, stroked him harder, faster. 

Alex's tongue stopped teasing and turned focused, licking him over and over and over until he could wriggle in, fucked him with his tongue, hand gripping his ass cheek tightly. 

John pulled back from the kiss, heart pounding, orgasm right there, wanted to push back into Alex's tongue, wanted to buck forwards into Lafayette's hand. 

"Fuck, fuck, Alex, Laf, shit," John panted, settled for grabbing on tight to Lafayette's arm and tossing his head back into Alex's hip - got a sharp hiss of protest for that move, Alex's fingernails digging into his ass. 

"Come, little one," Laf murmured, hand twisting just so on John's cock. 

Alex groaned at Lafayette's words, fucked his tongue deeper into John's hole. 

John jerked as his orgasm slammed into him, come spilling into Lafayette's hand and onto the sheets, clenching around Alex's tongue as he rode out wave after wave of pleasure, eyes rolled back in his head. 

He went limp, finally felt sated, felt content, felt settled, panting and exhausted in the blankets. 

Alex nipped him on the ass cheek, teasing, and swatted him gently. 

"If your head had nailed me in the dick I would have killed you," he griped. 

"Sorry!" John whined, twisting to stroke an apologetic hand over Alex's hip. 

Lafayette chuckled, and kissed John sweetly.

"Are you okay, little one?" He asked, voice soft.

"Yes Laf," John replied, happy. Felt loved, felt whole. 

"Hey. What about me, I'm the one who got headbutted," Alex whined, petulant. 

"Come over here then, Prickle Bush. You can ride my cock until you feel better," Lafayette rolled onto his back, stroked a hand up his own cock. 

"Who needs a healer when you've got Laf's cock," Alex teased. Kissed John's hip and then climbed over him to straddle Lafayette's hips, leaned across Lafayette for the oil...

John sighed happily. Stretched out on his side with his head pillowed on his arm, lazy, and content to watch the two people he loved most love on each other too.


	26. Don't Touch Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW Panic attack / PTSD

Lafayette parried Alex’s attack, gathered himself, and lunged in through the opening Alex had left him, rapier singing towards Alex’s neck for a ‘killing’ strike-

Blinked, and saw only Alex falling backwards with an arrow through his chest.

“I yield, yield!” Dropped his rapier and flew backwards with a shout. Turned, blind with panic, throat dry, hands clammy, and stalked from the practice grounds. Out in the hall, he dropped into a crouch, hands over his head, and stuffed his face against his knees. Could feel his heart pounding, felt sick, felt shaken and out of control.

A hand touched his shoulder.

“Don’t touch me!” Lafayette flinched, caught in the worst memory of his life.

“Laf, Laf! Hey. It’s just me, what happened?” Alex’s voice cut through his panic.

“I can’t, I can’t fence with you Alex!” Lafayette tried to pull it together, couldn’t fall apart in public like this, hadn’t expected to react this way to a lighthearted practice bout with Alex.

“Okay, it’s okay, you don’t have to.” Alex crouched facing him, close but not touching.

Lafayette took deep breaths, tried to steady himself, tried to bring his heart and mind back to centre, back to here and now, Alex alive and well in front of him. Never wanted to go through that again, not even in play, not even in practice. Could fence with anyone else – could even fence against John, the odd time he was able to coax the healer into a match.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me.” Lafayette straightened as he caught his breath, aware that they were in the palace, that though the halls were empty now they might not stay that way. Didn’t want to be seen like this, weak and falling apart.

Took a deep breath and schooled his features into calm. Stood up, hid trembling hands in pockets. Fixed Alex with a shaky smile.

Alex stood up too, eyeing him carefully, like he was a spooked horse that might bolt, like he was a stranger, like he was made of glass. Lafayette hated it, hated feeling weak and out of control, hated that he couldn’t do something as simple as a lighthearted bout with his lover for some exercise on a chill winter morning.

“It’s alright Laf.” Alex tried to reassure him.

“Let’s get out of here.” Lafayette strode off for the doors, needed to get outside, felt too hot, too tight, like everything was too close and pressing in.

Alex trotted to catch up with him. Didn’t say anything while they walked, just hurried along next to Lafayette.

Lafayette felt better almost instantly when he stepped outside, snow swirling on the cobblestones in the courtyard, high palace walls around them. He didn’t stop until they were out of the walls in the wide open space of the commons, walking along a cleared path. Alex still beside him, arms wrapped tight around himself, shivering already.

Lafayette stopped abruptly and turned, pulled Alex into his arms and buried his face in Alex’s hair, breathing deeply.

“I just- I had you, but then I moved to score the hit and all I could see was that gods cursed arrow-“ Lafayette shook as he held Alex tight, hating his weakness, hating that three years later, he was still reduced to this just by a memory.

Alex’s arms came up and wrapped around him.

“It’s alright Laf. It’s alright. I’m not hurt, and we don’t have to fence again. I can fence against John, or someone else once I’m fit again, it’s okay.” Alex spoke softly, held Lafayette tight.

Lafayette nodded, and just stood still, holding Alex tight, weak kneed with relief for the thousandth time that John had been there to save Alex, that John had not only been his second chance, but had given him back his first. Slowly, he calmed, until he was able to pull back enough for a slow kiss, Alex’s mouth cold against his.

“All good?” Alex asked.

“All good.” Lafayette responded.

“Want to go see if we can steal John away for lunch?”

Lafayette nodded, and hand in hand, they turned to head towards the palace infirmary.


	27. Open Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SMUT

John came home to an unusually quiet house. He’d gone out riding after work, hoping the fresh air and the motion would soothe the restless jumping under his skin. 

Knew deep down, it wouldn’t. 

At first he thought Lafayette wasn’t home. 

He poked his head into the sitting room, the bedroom, out onto the balcony… no Laf.

Curious, John stuck his head into the office on the main floor that Lafayette’s estate manager used.... Blinked. 

“Laf?” John asked, surprised to see him sitting at the desk.

“Hello, little one,” Lafayette said, but he didn’t get up from the desk. 

“Hi Laf, what are you doing?” John padded over to the desk, draped himself over Lafayette’s shoulders and nuzzled into his neck with a whine. 

“Looking over the accounts,” Lafayette replied.

“Huh?” John glanced at the open book and papers on the desk. Blinked. It looked like gibberish to him. “Why?”

“Because I like to keep an eye on things, sweet thing, so I check the ledgers from time to time.” Lafayette turned his head to give John an absent minded kiss on the cheek. 

It wasn’t nearly enough. 

John tried to fit himself into Lafayette’s lap, needed attention, needed to be taken apart…

“Shh, little one, let me finish?” Lafayette asked. 

“No,” John whined. 

Lafayette went still. 

Twisted in his chair to look at John with raised eyebrows.

“Pardon me?” He asked.

“No,” John repeated, and pouted.

Lafayette looked him up and down, appraising, silent. 

“I hardly think so. You do not get to tell me what to do, John. I am going to finish this and then we can see about tending to your needs. If you can make yourself useful. Can you do that?” Lafayette asked, appearing almost indifferent. 

John gaped at Lafayette, shocked. 

Lafayette never denied him anything. 

“Well? Can you be useful?” Lafayette repeated.

“Um. How?” John asked. 

Lafayette grinned, and pushed back his chair. Gestured for John to kneel underneath the desk. 

“You can keep my cock warm until I am finished.”

John blinked. Hesitated, then crawled under the desk and arranged himself, sitting back on his heels with his hands in his lap. 

“How?” he asked again. 

“With your mouth, how else?” Lafayette asked as he undid his breeches. 

“Oh,” John breathed, a little wide eyed. Looked up at Lafayette from under the desk. “How long?”

“Until I am done. You know how to tell me if you need to stop, no?” Lafayette pulled his chair back in, blocking John in. “Check?”

“Canter,” John replied, voice soft. 

“Good,” Lafayette pushed his breeches out of the way, pulled his cock free. "Open up, sweet thing."

John leaned forwards, gave the head of Lafayette’s cock a teasing lick, then took him into his mouth. Shifted carefully until he was comfortable, Lafayette’s cock filling his mouth and throat. Breathed slow through his nose. 

“Tap twice if you’re comfortable,” Lafayette’s voice, from above the desk. 

John tapped twice on Lafayette’s thigh. 

“Good boy.’

John hummed happily. Closed his eyes and waited. 

After a while, his jaw began to ache and his legs cramped up, but he held still, started to feel a little warm, little glowy. 

Breathed past the discomfort, and faded slowly into a daze, drifted on the heavy weight of Lafayette’s cock on his tongue, on the strange blend of detachment and intimacy. 

Floated and floated and floated, and felt himself calm, breath slowing, the trembling beneath his skin quieting down. 

Fell deeper and deeper into the heavy weight of his bones, anchored only by the fullness of his mouth around Lafayette’s cock, and the occasional soft stroke of Lafayette’s hand over his head. 

“John?” 

He heard his name as if in a dream. 

“John, sweetheart.”

Heard it again, tugging at him. 

“C’mon back baby boy, c’mon John.”

Alex.

Detail filtered slowly back into John’s mind, dragged him back up into his skin. 

He opened his eyes, blinked up at Alex and Laf, peering down at him. 

“Hello, little one,” Lafayette said softly. “You can stop now.”

John sat back, Lafayette’s cock slipping out of his sore jaw. 

“Shit John, should’ve seen you, such a good boy,” Alex breathed, awed, as he scrambled to get beneath the desk, crowding into John. 

“Baby boy,” he breathed, and he kissed John, licked into his slack mouth, sent a wave of heat through John’s body. 

John whined and pressed closer, tried to kiss Alex back but still felt foggy headed, so mostly just let himself be kissed. 

“Bring him out, Starlight. He deserves a proper reward for being so good,” Lafayette said, amused. 

Alex pulled back, and John crawled stiffly out from beneath the desk on his hands and knees. 

Lafayette scooped him up. 

“Come on my love. To bed.”

John nuzzled into Lafayette’s neck, felt incapable of speech. Warm. floaty. 

Let Lafayette carry him to bed with Alex at their side.


	28. Cloud Gazing

Lafayette stretched indulgently, and rolled over onto his back. It was the most perfect of perfect days. Sunny, with fairytale clouds in the blue sky, just warm enough for a lazy day outside. John hadn’t needed any convincing, and together they’d gotten Alex dressed and out the door before he had woken up enough to realize what was happening.

Half asleep, Alex had relaxed in the saddle for a change, and so Cabbage had relaxed beneath him, and they’d ridden out to the lake without any of their usual fussing and squabbling.

After a morning spent riding out to the lake, and then swimming in the lake, followed by a picnic on a blanket in the grass, both Alex and John had dropped off into sleep, curled loosely around each other, warm sun drying their hair. The horses were picketed in the shade, Cabbage a safe distance from Merry and Spike, and all three grazed contently, tails swishing occasionally.

Lafayette tucked his arms behind his head and watched the clouds roll by, felt warm and heavy and relaxed, everything right in the world so long as John and Alex were at his side and content.

He was distracted from his thoughts by Alex, shifting and rolling over to slide up against Lafayette’s side.

“Hello, Starlight.” Lafayette murmured. He looped one arm loosely around Alex, kissed the top of his head.

“Hi Laf,” Alex murmured back, all sleepy and warm and pliant. He could be so sweet when he was like this, sun warmed and relaxed and soft in Lafayette’s arms. He was such a paradox, and Lafayette loved him all the more for it. His fire and sharp edges. His softness and depth of love.

“Happy, my love?” Lafayette murmured. Still felt the need to check in every so often, tried not to smother, but still felt so unsure when it came to Alex, wanted to be careful, wanted to keep him here. Still sometimes felt like it was all a dream, like he was a gift back from the universe for some reason Lafayette could not discern.

“Very,” Alex replied. Tucked his head in against Lafayette’s shoulder and sighed happily.

They lapsed into silence, and Lafayette closed his eyes for a moment, just enjoyed the breeze on his skin, enjoyed having Alex tucked in against him, very real, and very much alive.

When he opened his eyes again, the cloud above their heads looked like an angry horse, and he laughed. Pointed up at it.

“What does that cloud look like to you, Alexander?”

“Huh?” Alex twisted to look at Lafayette, then turned back to look at the sky again. “A cloud, Laf.”

Lafayette rolled his eyes.

“Use your imagination, prickle bush. It’s Cabbage!”

Alex snorted and swatted Lafayette.

“Cabby.” He corrected, protective edge in his voice.

Lafayette grinned. Pointed at another cloud.

“How about that one?”

Alex gave a long suffering sigh, wriggled against Lafayette to get more comfortable, and tilted his head slightly to look at the cloud.

“A bird?”

“You don’t sound sure.”

“Yeah. A bird.”


	29. Look At Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeffmads :)

Thomas hated days like today.

He was stuck at the palace, stuck interacting with people, lots of people, important people, all day. It was exhausting. All day, he didn’t have a chance to regroup, to pull himself together, to take a little moment just to breathe and get his bearings before being swept up in the next round of socializing. It was just a whirlwind of people and names, small talk and important conversations.

By the time he was able to leave, his head was spinning, and he had to shove his hands in his pockets to disguise their shaking.

Walking home, he kept his shoulders back, chin up. Showed the world the Thomas Jefferson they knew. Bold, loud, confident. Larger than life. Easy smile and laughter, always the right words, the right phrases, how easy it was for him to slide through social circles, to wine and dine and talk the right way to all the right people.

Inside that shell of arrogance, Thomas was nervous, he was anxious, he was constantly on the edge of fear that someone would discover him as a fraud.

The way the new palace scribe looked at him, Thomas could have sworn he knew. Dark eyes that pierced right through Thomas, watching him with an intensity that made Thomas nervous, made him edgy, distracted him. He knew he’d slipped up once or twice and couldn’t remember where or with who.

Gods.

He barely remembered the walk home, fell further and further down spiraling, racing thoughts, trying to remember what he’d done wrong, how to control the damage, how to save face. Every day, all day, he was thinking about saving face, about damage control, about not losing it in front of people who didn’t need to see that side of him, didn’t need to know he was so small and shaking and scared inside.

He closed the door to James’ apartment behind him and sagged against it, wishing he felt relieved.

Instead he just couldn’t breathe.

His heart raced in his chest, control sliding away as he frantically tried to claw it back.

James appeared in front of him as if by magic, cupped his face in his hands.

“Hey. Thomas,” he spoke low and calm, bracketed Thomas between the door and his body.

Thomas closed his eyes, tried to remember how to breathe, tried to slow his heart down, tried to call on the Thomas Jefferson he presented to the world to help him out when he needed it most.

“Thomas. Look at me,” James commanded, voice soft, voice calm.

Thomas hated feeling this way, hated needing to lean on James.

Did it anyways.

He opened his eyes, caught James’ gaze, tried to breathe, tried to slow his heart down.

“That’s it. Breathe, here feel.” James took one of Thomas’ hands and placed it on his own chest, reached out and unlaced Thomas’ shirt, loosened it around his throat.

Thomas felt James’ slow, steady breathing under his hand, James’ chest warm through his shirt.

“There, see. Breathe with me Thomas, you’re alright. You’re home now, it’s just me here,” James murmured, smoothing his thumbs over Thomas’ cheeks.

Thomas swallowed hard. Forced himself to follow the rhythm of James’ chest rising and falling. Breathed. Breathed again. Felt his heart start to slow, felt his body come down, start to relax. Tipped forwards and dropped his forehead to James’ shoulder.

“That’s it, you’re alright,” James stroked his strong hands up Thomas’ back, held him loose and protected.

Thomas sighed shakily, and melted against James, just let himself be held, let James be his strength for the moment.


	30. Let's Think Back To Where We Started...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aren't you glad I have no self control!? 
> 
> smut ahead. beware, or whatever.

John was just finishing closing up for the day. He hummed quietly to himself as he put the last of the clean, folded linens away. He didn’t need to, the cleaning staff would look after it all, but there was something almost meditative about setting the infirmary in order before leaving for the day that helped him feel soothed and balanced. 

“Hey baby boy!” The door banged open and Alex waltzed in, cheerfully shattering John’s peace. 

“Hi Alex,” John looked up at Alex and smiled, then turned back to put away the last of the towels. 

When he looked up again, Alex was sprawled on his back on one of the cots, propped up by pillows, watching John with a smirk on his face. 

“What?” John asked. He could feel himself blushing at the way Alex was looking at him. 

“Remember when I fingered you in the tent, made you ride my hand until you came?” Alex asked, voice low and heated. While John watched, Alex shifted his hand into his lap, gave his cock a squeeze through his breeches. 

“Alex!” John hissed, head whipping around to check if anyone could see or hear them. “You can’t just…”

Alex’s only response was to raise an eyebrow, and pat the bed beside him. 

John shook his head, blushing furiously, and scooped up the stack of folded towels. He carried them into the back, set them on the shelf and took a steadying breath. 

Turned around and walked back out. 

Stopped dead at the sight of Alex, breeches undone, hand wrapped around his cock and stroking himself. 

“Alex!” John hissed. 

“John,” Alex panted back, eyes open, watching John just like that first time, years ago in the tents when John had walked in on him, much the same as now. 

“C’mon, baby boy, just like that first time, look at you…” Alex shifted his hips, tightened his fist. 

John stared. 

Couldn’t help it if his cock twitched in interest at the sight of Alex splayed out on the cot, hard cock in his hand. 

“Alex, we can’t do that here!” He hissed, mortified at the thought that anyone could walk in and see them. 

“Sure we can. Gonna need some oil though,” Alex responded. 

John flushed, shook his head. 

“John. Oil. Now,” Alex snapped. 

John swallowed hard and went to the side table, picked up a vial of oil and carried it back over to the cot, blushing like mad. 

“Alex…” he whined, last ditch effort to halt this before it went too far. 

“Come here,” Alex reached out with his free hand, and John just couldn’t say no, not when Alex was so alluring, spread out on the cot with his cock in his hand, all soft and open, so reminiscent of that first time. 

“If you really want it to be like that first time, you’d better come before I come over there,” John commented, but he didn’t really mean it, already knew he was fighting a losing battle. 

“John. Come. Here,” Alex commanded. He tightened his fist on his cock, stroked himself harder and faster, head tilted back. 

John swallowed hard. Stared for a long moment, just drinking in the sight of Alex. 

“Fuck,” he swore, and gave in. climbed onto the cot and straddled Alex’s hips, dropped to his elbows and kissed Alex fiercely, groaning at the way Alex’s mouth felt under his, the hitch of Alex’s breath. Their tongues tangled, soft moan escaping Alex’s mouth, and John reached between them, fumbled his breeches open. 

“Fuck, baby boy, get those breeches off, gotta get my cock in your ass,” Alex panted against John’s mouth. 

John moaned, heat surging through his body at Alex’s words. 

“What if someone sees?” John whispered, torn between embarrassment and need. 

“Let them, you’re stunning,” Alex hissed back. 

John whined, and scrambled out of his breeches, blushing like crazy, cock hard and aching. 

Alex moved his hand to John’s chest, pushed him back until he was upright, hovering with spread legs over Alex’s hips. 

“Shit John,” Alex breathed. 

John stared down at him, breathe catching in his chest, remembered how sweet it had felt to give in to him back in the tents, lantern light flickering over the walls, everything hot and heavy with promise. 

Alex slicked his fingers with oil, pushed his hand between John’s legs, and John whined, rocked his hips down at the first touch, head tilting back, eyes falling shut. He let his mouth fall open, panting already at the way Alex’s fingers circled his rim, stroking, teasing. 

“Check?” Alex asked, voice soft.

“Canter,” John panted, “canter, just, don’t tease.”

Alex responded by sinking a finger deep inside him. 

“Alex!” John wailed, hips driving down, worry over being discovered taking a back seat to the incredible feeling of Alex’s finger pumping in and out of him, the sound of Alex’s voice telling him how beautiful he was, how incredible he looked. 

A second finger joined the first, stretching him open, finding his prostate and stroking over it until pleasure was coiled tight in his gut and he was moaning loudly, unashamedly. 

“Alex, Alex, please,” John whined, cock dripping onto Alex’s stomach. 

“Ready for my cock, baby boy?” Alex asked, voice low. 

“Yeah, yeah, please,” John let his head fall back again, whined at the loss when Alex pulled his fingers out and paused to stroke oil up his cock. 

“C’mon baby, ride my cock,” Alex moved his hands to John’s hips and John reached down, stood Alex’s slick cock up so he could lower himself onto it, mouth falling open on a gasp of pleasure at the incredible feeling of being filled, stretched. 

“Fuck yeah, feels so good,” Alex panted. 

John leaned forwards, planted both hands on Alex’s chest as he began to move his hips. 

“Gods, babygirl, love your cock in my ass,” John groaned. 

He looked down at Alex, watched the way he was watching him back, hands tight on John’s thighs, lips parted. 

“That’s it, fuck, John,” Alex groaned, and he moved one hand to cup John’s cheek. 

John leaned into the touch, eyes closing, then sat back and let his head fall back again, hips angled so Alex’s cock stroked right into his prostate with every thrust. 

“Alex, Alex, touch my cock,” John panted, fingers tangling in Alex’s shirt, pleasure pooling in his belly. 

Alex complied, fisted his hand around John’s cock and started to stroke, and John could feel his orgasm rushing up at him, knew he wasn’t going to hold out much longer, didn’t even want to try. 

“Alex, gonna come!” He drove his hips down hard onto Alex’s cock, rocked so the head rubbed right into his prostate as he started to come, hot ropes of come splashing through Alex’s fingers. 

“John,” Alex started to say something that just ended in a groan, and then he was coming too, pumping John full with wet heat. 

John stilled, grinned down at Alex and just basked in the afterglow for a moment. 

Carefully, he shifted off of Alex’s cock and stood up on shaky legs. Grabbed his breeches and tugged them back on. 

Alex didn’t move, just stretched and grinned up at John. 

“Can you get up!?” John chided, delivering a light swat to Alex’s hip. 

“I need a new shirt,” Alex said, as he finally stood up, and John looked at him, really looked at him, and blushed all over again. 

Alex laughed, and stripped his come splattered shirt from his body, folded it up, and stuffed it in his back. 

“You can have my coat?” John offered. He pulled it off the peg and offered it to Alex, who slipped it on and leaned in for a quick kiss. 

John took Alex’s hand, couldn’t help but smile, and reached for the door. 

Stopped dead. 

“You didn’t lock the door!?” John’s face burned with shame, and Alex laughed and laughed. “Anyone could have walked in!”

Alex just shrugged. 

~

When they got home, Lafayette met them at the door. Raised an eyebrow when Alex took off John’s coat, shirtless beneath. 

“Why don’t you have a shirt?” he asked. 

“John came on it,” Alex replied lightly, and John turned bright red again as they both looked over at him.


	31. Just Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is for oddcreature :) 
> 
> Thanks for encouraging me to write more self indulgent horsey pieces.

John was trying.

He was really, really trying.

Some days, everything just hurt too much.

Whole body shaking, John slipped out of the house, fingernails digging into his palms. He hated himself for still feeling this way sometimes, like everything was too big to fit into his chest, like he was going to come apart, or drown in all of this emotion.

He was learning how to manage it better, learning how to breathe through it, how to lock down that smidgen of mind healing that existed in his gift and made all of this ten times harder, increased sensitivity to emotion not working in anyone’s favour.

He stood on the front step for a moment, cool air sharpening his senses.

He looked towards Market Square, and oh, he _yearned_ for a drink, desire so deep it seemed to lie in his very bones.

Swallowed hard, and turned away from it.

Instead, John padded down the narrow path between the estate’s outer wall and the side of the manor itself, crept across the darkened courtyard, and slipped into the stables.

The horses were quiet, sleeping or munching their hay, soft sounds of their breathing soothing John’s frayed edges.

John lit the lantern near the entranceway, low light spilling down the cobbled aisleway.

Cabby’s box was nearest the door, and she was staring at John with her head high, ears pointed at him in careful alertness.

“Relax. It’s just me,” John said. Knew from a night several weeks ago where a new stable hand had entered the stable by himself late at night, that Cabby would fiercely defend what she deemed as hers from intruders. The stable hand had quit the next morning, and they’d found Cabby loose in the aisle, having launched herself over her door to attack.

Cabby snorted, eyed John suspiciously once more, and returned to her hay.

John shook his head. The horse’s disposition had improved greatly with Alex, however the improvement seemed limited to him and him alone.

John padded down the aisle and let himself into Merry’s box.

The large chestnut gelding was lying down, but he lifted his head at John’s entrance, and lipped at John’s palm in hope of a treat.

“No buddy. Just came to sit with you,” John murmured as he settled into the straw and leaned up against Merry’s smooth, warm back.

Merry sighed, and let his muzzle drop into the bedding again, ear flicking at some invisible irritation.

John closed his eyes, and tried to match his breathing to Merry’s slow, relaxed breathing. He had never spent time just sitting with the horse while he rested, but Merry seemed to accept it, dropping back into sleep and leaving John alone with his thoughts.

From over the wall, Spike stretched out his neck and whuffled into John’s hair, lips moving curiously.

“Quit that,” John pushed Spike’s soft muzzle away, but the stallion simply stretched his neck back out and lipped at John’s hand. John couldn’t help but laugh. Where Cabby was cantankerous and stubborn, and Merry was sensitive and steady, Spike was mischievous and playful, the perfect match for Lafayette in every way.

John shifted down in the bedding, let his head drop onto Merry’s broad back, out of Spike’s reach.

Spike bobbed his head, trying, and then gave up, bored now that he couldn’t reach John.

John sighed, closed his eyes again and imagined letting everything that was built up in his chest flow out through his fingertips. Felt a little hokey doing it, felt a little hokey repeating to himself over and over that he’s alright, it’s okay, just stay.

Still, it worked. He stayed right where he was in the straw, resting up against Merry’s back, and eventually his deep breathing turned into sleep.

~

“John, John wake up,” Lafayette’s voice snagged on John’s consciousness, and dragged him back up to waking.

John blinked sleepily in the low light, rubbed the back of his hand over his face, soft rustle of straw and the warmth of Merry’s back against his back soothing.

“John, what happened, are you alright?” Lafayette’s hand rested on John’s shoulder.

John nodded, pushed himself up to sitting and looked at Lafayette’s worried face.

“Hi Laf,” he whispered.

“Little one, are you drunk?” Lafayette asked, cupping John’s chin with his hands.

John shook his head, brushed straw from his arm, and ran a hand down Merry’s neck, grateful the horse hadn’t gotten up while John was sleeping and accidentally stepped on him.

Lafayette seemed to sag with relief.

“Come back inside?” He asked.

John shook his head.

“I just needed some air. Sit with me for a bit?” He asked, still sleep soft. Finally felt relaxed, finally felt okay.

“Of course,” Lafayette replied. Shifted to lean up against Merry’s back himself, and opened his arms for John.

Grateful, John settled between Lafayette’s legs and let his head rest on Lafayette’s chest, arms around him. Closed his eyes again, didn’t want to break the spell of peace that had settled over him.

“I’m proud of you, my love,” Lafayette said quietly. Kissed the side of John’s head and held him close.

John smiled, let the warm comfort of Lafayette’s arms and the horses lull him back to sleep.


	32. It's Cold Out!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there's nothing but fluff left in this verse now! :o

“John wait!”

John paused, hand on the door, and turned around.

Alex trotted down the hall to him, caught him by the shoulders and kissed him quickly.

“It’s cold! You need a coat!”

John laughed, brushed a hand through Alex’s hair and kissed his nose.

“I’m alright,” he said.

“No, it’s cold out,” Alex snatched John’s coat from its hook, and held it out expectantly.

With a soft laugh, John turned around, let Alex slip his coat on. Turned back around and let Alex button it up for him, fingers careful.

John’s heart warmed, caught again by how unexpectedly wonderful everything had turned out. How he never could have imagined that he would get to have and love both Lafayette and Alex, and that they would love each other too. That he got to be here to watch Lafayette settle and relax as guilt eased and he started to realize that he didn’t have to spend every waking moment trying to make up for one grave mistake. That he got to be here to watch Alex grow softer as life treated him easy, finally, all of his sharp edges filled in. That he got the chance every morning to wake up and carefully work towards healing himself.

Alex finished buttoning up John’s coat, and pulled down his scarf. Wound it around John’s neck and tucked the ends into his coat.

Followed it up by snagging a pair of gloves, and pushing them into John’s hands.

John stuffed the gloves in his pocket, and waved off Alex’s attempt to stuff a hat on his head.

“Alex stop, it’s not that cold!” John laughed, ducking as Alex tried to get the hat on him.

“It’s freezing!” Alex said, tried to wrestle the hat onto John’s head.

Ended up collapsing to the floor in a fit of giggles, limbs tangled together. John didn’t think his heart had ever felt so full in his life as it did right now, lying in the foyer, Alex half on top of him, laughing like children.

“What on earth are you two doing?” Lafayette strolled down the sweeping staircase, smile on his face, dressed to ride.

“Alex is trying to make sure I die of heat exhaustion on my walk to work,” John said between giggles.

“No, it’s freezing out! He was leaving without a coat Laf!” Alex protested, and managed to jam the hat onto John’s head.

John went limp under Alex, giving in now that the hat was firmly on his head, and let his head loll to the side to grin at Lafayette.

Lafayette shook his head, extending his hands when he reached them to help them to their feet. Pulled them both close, kiss for John, then Alex.

“You are always freezing, Starlight. Go get dressed and come out to ride your horse while I work Inky,” Lafayette gave Alex a gentle shove towards the stairs, and Alex went, jogging up the steps.

Lafayette turned back to John, brushed his thumbs over John’s cheeks and kissed him lightly.

John smiled, melted into Lafayette, chin tipped up happily.

“Have a good day at work my love,” Lafayette whispered.

“Ride Mer for me today? Then maybe we can go out for dinner when I get home?” John asked.

“Mmm, good idea,” Lafayette kissed John again, lingering a little, and John had to pull away before his knees turned to liquid and he lost all motivation to leave.

“Kay. Love you Laf, see you later,” John said, and he stepped back, pulled the door open.

“Love you too, John,” Lafayette replied. Stayed where he was until John stepped outside and pulled the door closed behind him.

Snow fell lazily, air crisp but not frigid, despite Alex’s insistence. John trotted down the lane and out the gate, hands in his pockets. Couldn’t deny that life was really, really good these days.


	33. I Don't Have A Good Title For This One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Lafayette hummed quietly to himself as he gave Spike a vigorous rub down with a damp towel. The stallion was returning to work slowly after straining a tendon in early spring, and he was coming back better than Lafayette had hoped.

It wasn’t as though Spike would be without his uses if he wound up unsound for good, but he was Lafayette’s favourite mount, and he was loathe to give him up.

Over the spring, he’d bred Spike to Cabby and Inky, hoping that a year off and a baby to raise would settle the little black mare, and curious to see what kind of foal Cabby would produce. Both mares were doing well, though Inky showed no signs of settling down yet. All in time.

Lafayette slipped a lump of sugar to Spike, and handed him off to the stable boy to poultice and turn out in his paddock. Next on the list to ride, John’s new gray hunter Bluebell, followed by a pretty little painted mare named Starling that both John and Alex enjoyed riding. She had been a bit of a diamond in the rough, a pity purchase by John that Lafayette had opposed, the mare dirty and thin, hollow backed and fighting the cart she’d been strapped to, and covered in lash marks. The look in her eye had been bewilderment and pain, but when John had taken gentle hold of her bridle and offered the cart’s driver double the mare’s worth, there had been nothing but sweetness in her wide brown eyes.

Under Lafayette’s patient attention and as much hay as she could eat, the little painted horse had blossomed, and showed her sweet nature in spades. Lafayette left her until last to ride on days that he rode her himself because she was such a simple joy, easily the most pleasant thing in the barn to ride.

He headed out to fetch Bluebell now, leather halter swinging from his hand.

Stopped dead as he reached the fence line, Cabby’s paddock the closest to the barn.

There, in the middle of Cabby’s field, stretched out on his stomach in the grass with his nose in a book, lay Alex.

Beside him, so close that Lafayette could see her breath fluttering the pages of the book, was Cabby, grazing peacefully. As Lafayette watched, Alex reached up absently and stroked a hand down Cabby’s long face, and the mare lifted her head to nuzzle the side of his head before returning to her grass. Alex’s lips moved, as if he was reading aloud to the horse.

Now, if that wasn’t a sight Lafayette had never expected to see, he didn’t know what was.

He swung up onto the fence, sitting on the top board, couldn’t help but smile at the soft affection that had bloomed seemingly out of nowhere between Alex and Cabby.

“Alex,” he called, soft, didn’t want to disturb their peace, but wanted to make sure Alex was alright, odd to see him out here on his own volition, even if the summer sun was shining down, day perfectly warm with a gentle breeze.

Alex and Cabby looked up as one, and Cabby’s expression immediately changed, ears flattening on her big jug of a head as she swung her neck angrily towards Lafayette.

Alex laughed, and swatted her foreleg, and Lafayette rolled his eyes. While Cabby had warmed to Alex, she had never shown Lafayette, or even John (who all animals seemed to love) the same consideration.

“Why did I buy you such a cantankerous animal?” Lafayette said with a laugh.

Alex shook his head, getting slowly to his feet and dog earing the book as he closed it and tucked it under his arm. He walked over to Lafayette, bare feet quiet in the soft grass, Cabby trailing closely behind.

“What are you doing out here, my love?” Lafayette spread his legs, and Alex stepped between them, leaned against Lafayette contently.

“Reading to the baby,” Alex said, smiling up at Lafayette.

“Um, what?” Lafayette blinked, and combed his fingers gently through Alex’s loose hair, loved seeing him like this, open and relaxed and soft, all the kind places his hard life hadn’t managed to squash coming tentatively to the surface with time and love and healing.

“The baby. I heard it’s good, to read to them. Human babies, anyway. I don’t know, I thought maybe Cabby’s baby would like it too.” Alex shrugged a little, self conscious.

Lafayette laughed, and shook a finger at Cabby as she sidled up to the side of him, teeth bared.

“Oh Starlight, I love you,” he breathed. Bent low and kissed Alex, heart feeling like it would burst in his chest.

What a perfect, perfect life, and all because of John.

“I’m going to ride Bluebell now, and then maybe we should go steal our Laurens away for lunch, what do you think?”

“Perfect, Laf.”


	34. & Maybe You Could Make Me Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I almost don't want to post this because then it's over. 
> 
> But, somebody has been waiting for something for a very long time and deserves to get it. 
> 
> This one-shot takes place after everything else, it is chronologically the very last piece of the series.

The war was long over.

Tensions had long settled, or mostly. 

The trade routes between Va’an and Lindel were open and thriving, and people were learning to coexist harmoniously. 

Days bled into one another, an endless hustle and bustle of city life and the revolving door of the too small infirmary. 

Peggy worked hard, and she spent evenings with Eliza, Gideon, and Jothan, and it warmed her heart to see the boys flourish. 

It made her smile to see John, smiling and happy, arm in arm with both Alex and Lafayette, an outcome so surprising and perfect that it could only be a miracle. 

And so life settled, and went on, and seasons changed, and Peggy ignored the part of her heart that felt empty, tried not to think on it, tried not to wish for her own happy ending, her own wartime love story come true. 

Things like that were the exception. 

Still, she couldn’t help but keep an eye out when relief efforts started returning from Va’an. Couldn’t help but look for a certain face in the crowd. 

But it never happened.

So she worked, and she threw her all into her healing practice, and she was happy for her friends’ happiness, and she could live with the emptiness that sat in her heart, the feeling she’d had since she was a child that there may not be a place for her, a love for her. 

~*~

The sun was setting when Peggy closed up for the day. She locked the infirmary door, and turned to head up to her apartment. Content with her quiet little life. 

Stopped, and stared.

“Oh,” she breathed, blinking in surprise. 

Hercules stood in the middle of the narrow, dirt street, his worn, floppy hat in his hands, bag slung over one shoulder. 

“You’re back,” she said, keys dangling from her fingers, squinting against the light of the setting sun. 

Hercules looked good. Travel worn, but good. He stepped towards her, soft smile on his face, and gods be damned if her heart didn’t still skip a beat at the sight of him, after all this time. 

“I’m back,” he said, and for a moment neither of them said anything, just looked at each other, silence that bordered on awkward stretching between them, and dammit if it didn’t all just smart a little, the way he showed back up as if nothing at all had happened, as if it hadn’t been years. “Peacetime looks good on you, Pegs.” Hercules’ voice was a little gruff, a little guarded, but he was looking at her the way she’d always wanted him to…

“What do you want, Herc?” She asked, and folded her arms across her chest, hugged herself a little, and waited. 

“You know, I asked myself the same thing. They don’t really need us as much, down in Va’an now, and I found myself starting to think about getting on the road, wondering where I’d go… kept asking myself what I wanted, and you know what?” Herc opened his arms in invitation. “The only thing I could think of was you.”

And so sometimes dreams did come true.

Peggy smiled and shook her head, but she stepped into his embrace and hugged him tight, her head against his solid chest. 

“Took you long enough,” she teased, and tipped her head up to look at him. 

He smiled down at her, and leaned down, kissed her long and slow and sweet, and Peggy melted against him, didn’t care that it had taken this long, because he was here now, and she had everything she wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that sound in the distance? It's definitely not your author, sobbing. 
> 
> Love/War was supposed to be 3 fics long, and take maybe a month to write... 12 installments later, here we are. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has read, kudosed, commented, screamed at me on tumblr, shared headcanons and prompts. This verse wouldn't be what it is without you, and I'm so very grateful to every single one of you for coming on this wild ride with me. I didn't expect it to become as big as it did, and I'm glad I didn't give up on it at the end of Renegade <3\. 
> 
> I'm sad that it's over, but I'm also excited for new things. 
> 
> This verse will hold a special place in my heart forever, though. 
> 
> Love you all. Come yell at me on tumblr. 
> 
> More projects soon <3

**Author's Note:**

> I need comments like fishes need water <3
> 
> come hang out on tumblr: @ninyaaaaaaah


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